Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 87629 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 438(@200wpm)___ 351(@250wpm)___ 292(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87629 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 438(@200wpm)___ 351(@250wpm)___ 292(@300wpm)
I want to learn more. Not just about how to please a man but how to specifically please Jackson Paris.
He rolls off me then, lies silently at my side. I finally open my eyes and turn to look at him. His are closed, his arm over his forehead, and he looks…
Upset? Regretful?
The truth is that I don’t know, and I can usually read Jackson like a book.
But all this time… All this time I thought I knew him as well as I knew myself. I had no idea he had a kinky side.
I had no idea I had a kinky side.
I’m on the pill. He knows that. I’ve been on it since I was in high school because of irregular periods. Not only that, but Jackson would never put me in harm’s way, which means he’s clean. Heck, I’d bet this place requires testing every month or so. After all, they all but guarantee your safety here.
So no worries there. Now my worries are limited to the fact that I may have just ended my friendship with Jackson.
And I don’t know what I’ll do without him.
Ambivalence rolls through me. This is what I wanted. This is what I’ve dreamed of for years and years. But he’s regretful. I can see it in the way his body is stiff when he should be relaxed.
“Jack…” I finally eke out.
“What?”
I don’t think he means to sound terse. Maybe I’m imagining it.
“I…I think I’d like to go home now.”
It’s not what I want. At least it’s not all of what I want. What I want is to escape from this feeling—this feeling that we just did something wrong. Why do I feel this way? We’re two consenting adults. We did nothing wrong. In fact, I immensely enjoyed every second of it.
All those years when I was worried I’d never had a real orgasm? I was right. I’ve had one now, and there’s no doubt in my mind about what I was missing before.
Still…it’s weird. I never imagined this weirdness in my fantasies about Jackson.
“Okay,” he finally says.
But he doesn’t move.
What is he waiting for? Does he want me to say something? Does he want me to assure him that this is okay? That I understand it can never happen again?
I’m not going to do that. I want it to happen again. What I don’t want is this feeling of unease between us.
If only he would look at me, meet my gaze, tell me he loves me and he always has.
I can’t wait for that. Besides, his gaze won’t be his, not with those colored contacts that cover the green-and-gold beauty of his eyes.
That’s not how I want to hear his profession of love.
Besides, he clearly regrets all of this.
Which still doesn’t make sense, since he started it all. He’s the one who looked up my Lustr account. He’s the one who sent me those messages.
And he’s the one who brought me here. To this club. To this private club I didn’t even know existed. Pretended to be some mysterious Mr. Dark.
Why, then, do I feel like I’ve done something wrong?
I haven’t. This is all on him.
I could take control here. I could tell him it was a mistake. But as far as I’m concerned, it wasn’t a mistake. It’s everything I wanted and so much more.
Except for how Jackson is acting now.
He should be holding me, kissing my face, whispering sweet nothings to me in our afterglow.
But he’s not. My body is still warm and relaxed from the orgasms he gave me, but my mind? My mind is a mess. A big mess.
“Jackson?” I say again.
“Right.” His eyes are still closed, his arm still over his forehead. “Home.”
Again, he doesn’t move.
I don’t need his permission for anything. I can get home on my own. I just have to go back up to where the bar is, and I can grab a cab.
I swing my legs over to the side of the bed and rise. I gather my clothes and quickly dress. Make sure my phone, ID, and credit card are still in my pocket, and I leave the room.
Only then does Jackson appear behind me, grabbing me and pulling me back into the room.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
“I told you. I want to go home.”
“You can’t go out there alone.”
“Why not? I signed their disclosure thing. And besides, I’m leaving. Anything I see on my way out, I’ll pretend I didn’t.”
“No, you don’t understand,” he says. “You can’t go out there without me.”
“Why? Because you’re a member here?”
“No. Because you’re not collared.”
I wrinkle my forehead. “What the heck is that supposed to mean?”
“Claude gave me a collar for you, and I—” He shakes his head. “Damn. How was I so careless? And with you, of all people.”
“Jack, what the heck is a collar?”
He rubs his temples. “Any submissive—”