Total pages in book: 119
Estimated words: 112849 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 564(@200wpm)___ 451(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 112849 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 564(@200wpm)___ 451(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
I walk off the stage and Valtu immediately comes for me, his grin so wide and breathtaking. In his elegant vintage tux I get a vision of him at a party in the late 1800s and I’m stunned at how his iniquitous beauty transcends all decades.
“You were fantastic,” he says, pulling me into a hug. “I am so proud of you,” he whispers in my ear.
“Thank you.” I’m tempted to tell him that people are watching us and they only know us as professor and student, but he pulls back and gives me an affectionate squeeze on the shoulder. He knows how we have to act. Besides we got a lot out of our system before the performance. Who knew I could be played like a cello?
I go back to my seat to be polite and watch the rest of the performances, but I can’t stop glowing inside, and even though Valtu is standing further back in the audience, I feel his eyes on me the whole time. They never leave me.
This morning when I finally dragged myself back to my apartment to get ready after finding a dress, I was struck with the loneliest sensation. Being there, in that blank narrow space the guild controls, with just my suitcase, my crystals, potions, herbs, and blade of mordernes, that weapon that I once viewed as a partner and now view as a leash, I realized I didn’t want that life anymore. If being a witch meant I had to spend the rest of my life killing vampires under control of the guild, then I didn’t want to be a witch anymore.
I want to quit.
I want to tell Livia and Bellamy that it’s over.
I want to live my life with Valtu. I want to go to the school as a real person and figure out what to do with my life with him by my side. I want to make decisions that benefit me and what I want, not some misplaced sense of justice put in me by an organization that has controlled most of my life.
I just don’t know where to start.
I know there are some things that need to be dealt with. I know that the book has to be found and I’m going to need Valtu’s help for that. I know that I need to be able to kill Saara and Aleksi, and I can’t do that without my blade. So it’s not like I’m quitting cold-turkey. I need to finish things for the sake of me, Valtu, and humanity at large, and not for the sake of the guild.
How these things are going to play out though, I have no fucking idea.
I have to take it one day at a time until my hand is forced.
Which means I’ll have to continue pretending to be someone else.
If I let my guard down ever, if I ever tell Valtu that I’m a witch, do I think he’d still want to be with me? I don’t think so. I don’t think he would take all the lies lightly. He’d say that he never knew me this whole time, that I was just a fabrication. Even if I didn’t tell him about my true purpose, he’d want nothing to do with me. I know him well enough to know he wouldn’t kill me or throw me to the wolves, but at the same time he’s a passionate and moody creature. He would feel the betrayal deeply, and he’s unpredictable.
So, I’m kind of fucked.
But as I sit here at the recital, I push that out of my head because I just want to keep living this fantasy life forever.
Finally, all the performances come to a close and it’s the after party. I get up, making small talk with my classmates, which normally kills me because I’m seriously bad at making small talk and always bring up the weirdest things instead. I crave interesting conversation instead of forced niceties, but my classmates know me well by now and they don’t seem to mind if I’m yammering on about a random fact or if I abruptly walk away because I’m bored. Tonight I’m complimenting them on their performances because they all did so well, and eventually we find our way to the inner courtyard which has been done up in a million icicle fairy lights, fake snow on the tiled floor, candles flickering and dripping wax on candelabras. It’s beautiful and moody, just like this city.
There’s a lot of people here and everyone seems happy. The city has been so on edge lately that it’s nice to see, and I think a lot of the revelers are letting their hair down. The students especially seem to all have drinks in hand that are quickly disappearing, and the relief at the recital being over is palpable in the air.