Total pages in book: 129
Estimated words: 121233 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 606(@200wpm)___ 485(@250wpm)___ 404(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 121233 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 606(@200wpm)___ 485(@250wpm)___ 404(@300wpm)
Shawn sat up straighter, shoulders square. “Good. I’m happy to have that title.”
The conversation was easy after that. Fortunately, Shawn dropped anything related to Clay and focused on getting to know me, on telling me more about him. I smiled as I listened to him tell me about growing up in a van with his hippy parents, how he’d been to more music festivals at the age of ten than most people went to in their entire lives. And he leaned over the table, completely enraptured as I told him about my siblings, and my love for smutty books.
Before I knew it, dinner was done, and we moved over to the small sofa. For a long time we continued talking, but then Shawn flicked through his Netflix and turned on a documentary that I, miraculously, hadn’t seen yet. He said he knew I’d love it, if I loved nerding out about space.
And I did.
We sank back into the leather cushions, Shawn offering one of his blankets to me and covering up with another. But as the documentary went on, I felt him moving closer and closer, the distance between us narrowing until his arm was somehow around the back of the couch and thus me, too.
My heart hammered in my ears, and I was acutely aware of every breath he took, every centimeter his arm traveled until it was resting around me. I couldn’t pay attention to anything, least of all the monotone man listing out how infinite the galaxy was.
My galaxy was currently revolving around Shawn Stetson.
I dared to look at him, and he angled his face toward me, his eyes searching mine in the low light from the candles and television. He reached out, sweeping my hair behind one ear, though it was a tentative, unsure touch.
“You’ve smiled so much tonight,” he commented.
He cued another one with that. “It’s been a great night.”
“You should smile like this all the time. You should have a boyfriend who makes you happy, Giana.”
I swallowed, and without warning, tears glossed my eyes.
Shawn moved in, closing the space between us as his eyes flicked to my lips. “Let me be the one to make you happy,” he whispered.
And then, he kissed me.
A little flash of excitement and desire shot through me at the first contact, and I sucked in a breath, meeting his gentle kiss with one of equal measure.
But in the next moment, I felt…
Weird.
He smelled wrong, tasted wrong. His lips were too soft, his hands too weak where they held me. He didn’t possess me, didn’t wrap me up in all that he was with that kiss. I didn’t feel anything, other than curious over what the difference was.
Maybe I just wasn’t focused.
I mentally dragged my full attention to him, kissing him with more earnest. That made him groan, and I smiled in victory as he pressed into me a little harder, leaning me back until my head hit the arm of his couch and he settled in on top of me.
He was hard.
I felt it against my thigh, but again, I couldn’t focus on anything other than that it didn’t feel right.
Stop comparing to Clay, I warned myself, wrapping my arms around Shawn’s neck and pulling him in for a deeper kiss.
I wanted this. I wanted Shawn. He had been my obsession all last year. I’d dreamed of this, of what it would be like to have him want me, to have him kiss me and hold me.
But now that I had it…
I tried and tried to make my brain shut off, to chase away every comparison that flew at me. But it was useless. Every kiss was lacking, cold and awkward compared to the heated ones I’d shared with Clay. Every touch was wrong, every roll of his hips against me made me wince in pain more than writhe in need.
Emotion strangled my throat as I tried with desperate kisses to feel something, anything, other than a longing sadness for what I’d lost. But it was useless.
I didn’t want Shawn.
I didn’t want anyone who wasn’t Clay.
I sniffed against a sob, pressing my hands into Shawn’s chest and stopping him before he could trail kisses down my neck. “Shawn, wait.”
“We’ve both waited long enough,” he rasped, kissing my fingertips. “I’ve got you, Giana. You’re safe with me.”
I almost rolled my eyes at how hard he missed the point.
“I should go.”
But Shawn kept kissing, trying to lower himself down my body before I abruptly shoved his chest until he was off me.
“I have a boyfriend.”
That sobered him, and he sat back on his heels, chest heaving and eyes wild as he tried to calm himself. I could see his erection straining through his sweatpants, but he nodded, running a hand back through his hair before giving me more space.
“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, I… I’m sorry.”