Total pages in book: 131
Estimated words: 130255 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 130255 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
“Stop,” I said firmly, looking at her. “Grandma, please.”
“—Feel the way you do right now,” she continued, happily ignoring me. “You’ve been growing closer over the past few weeks. This was inevitable. You were always going to open up to her. I am surprised it happened so soon.”
“Why do you think it was inevitable? Because you imagined it so? Because it’s what you wanted?”
“No, because I could see in both of you that you were becoming more than just friends, no matter how much you insisted otherwise.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Technically speaking, we are just friends.”
“If that makes you feel better.”
“We’re not in a relationship, Grandma. No matter what you think. I can assure you that regardless of any emotions that may or may not be present, we are only friends.”
“You protest far too much.”
“I’m really not in the mood for this, so if you’re just in here to wind me up, then don’t bother.” I looked away from her. “I told Ellie I wanted to be left alone and that’s the truth.”
“Why? So you can wallow in your feelings and feel sorry for yourself? So you can come up with an endless stream of excuses as to why you shouldn’t just accept the fact you have feelings for the girl?”
I ignored her, keeping my gaze trained on the window.
“You can’t run away from everything, Maximillian. Things can and will catch up to you, and it’s about time you accepted that.”
“I’m not running from anything,” I argued. “I’m trying to work through what I’m feeling right now, and you aren’t helping.”
“Then tell me and I might be able to.” She opened her hands, crossing one leg over the other. “There’s no shame in asking for help, despite your insistence of doing everything yourself.”
“Where do I get that from, hmm?”
“Goodness knows. I always ask for help.”
She was full of it.
She never asked for help.
I sighed and looked at her. “Fine. What am I supposed to do? I can’t get married. I won’t let anyone go through what Mum did and—”
“Stop right there.” Grandma put both of her feet on the floor and leant forwards. “I want you to listen to me very, very closely, before you say another word.”
I stopped, then nodded.
“You are not your father, Max.”
My stomach twisted.
“Do you hear me? You are not Michael.”
“So everyone keeps saying, but what if I end up like him, Grandma? Addiction can be genetic. I almost fell down that hole in university until I recognised I was drinking too much and—”
“You recognised it,” Grandma said, staring at me firmly. “You recognised it, and you changed your behaviour to stop it. That’s commendable.”
“What if I do end up like him? I don’t…” I drew in a deep breath. “I don’t want to do anything that would hurt Ellie. Or me. Or you.”
She looked down at her lap for a moment, and her shoulders rose and fell with a deep breath that I heard. She raised her gaze once more and met mine. “You are not Michael,” she said again. “He couldn’t change. He didn’t want to change, darling. Not for your mother, not for you, not for me, and not for himself. He had every resource available to him, the best resources in the country, and he failed every time because he wanted to.”
I swallowed, trying to ignore the churning in my stomach. Nerves rolled through me, and I felt sick at her words. She’d lived through some horrible things, and my memory of my childhood years wasn’t as clear as hers would be.
“You? You have a beer once a week when you go to see Penny. You have a glass of champagne at a gala or a function or a dinner. You share a sherry with me at Christmas and a bottle of wine on one of our birthdays. Otherwise, you don’t drink. You drink far less than the average person, and I cannot remember a single time since you were twenty that I’ve seen you have more than two drinks in one night.”
That was true.
“You enjoy it because you rarely have it. It’s like cake. I enjoy a good chocolate cake a lot more if I haven’t had it for a month.”
“It’s hardly the same.”
“It is the same, Max. The principle is exactly the same.” Grandma held out her hands. “You’re able to recognise unwanted and toxic behaviour and adjust yourself accordingly. You know where your limit is and don’t ever push it. You have full control of yourself, and you don’t apologise for it, either.”
But I didn’t.
I didn’t have full control of myself.
“I don’t!” I pushed off the sofa and turned away from her, running my fingers through my hair. “I don’t have control of myself, Grandma. If I did, I would never have…”
Silence.
“Fallen in love with Ellie?” she offered gently, without an ounce of judgement.