Total pages in book: 22
Estimated words: 19898 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 99(@200wpm)___ 80(@250wpm)___ 66(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 19898 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 99(@200wpm)___ 80(@250wpm)___ 66(@300wpm)
"What is it Madelyn?" Lord he sounded so tired, it made me want to cry; how had I done this to this strong man, how had I brought us to this?
"I know you're mad at me and you have every right to be; but this is our first baby and I don't want us to miss out on any of those first that comes with that. I want us to enjoy its first kick together and all the other little things that comes with pregnancy. Please I know you hate me but I don't want to do this alone, I don't want our baby to miss out on your love because of something I did." I felt the tears start but couldn't stop them in time so I just wiped them away as fast as I could. He just looked at me for the longest time without saying anything and I held my breath waiting for the explosion. Maybe I shouldn’t have done this, I started to turn away but then he finally spoke.
"Come here." I was in his lap faster than he could blink; I hadn't realized just how much I'd missed this, this closeness, the feeling of being held in his wonderful arms. I wish I could stay here forever, safe and sheltered the way I always was before I’d thrown it all away. His arms felt like home and I snuck a quick sniff of his shirt as I settled myself on his lap. At least he wasn’t pushing me away, not yet anyway.
"You say first as though there might be others."
"I'm hoping, oh how I hope so." If there weren’t, if we didn’t get through this and find our way back to each other I’d just die.
He didn't say anything for a while, just held me on his lap as he gave thought to my words. I took the time to breathe him in, to enjoy that sense of the familiar that had been missing these last few days. It wasn’t like us to be around each other like this without some type of byplay. Dominic’s appetite for sex was off the charts; I can’t imagine that it has been easy for him going without that intimacy for so long, unless…no he wouldn’t. My heart couldn’t stand the thought so I shied away from it.
"I don't hate you Madelyn, I'm just; I need time to think about what I want. I'm not gonna lie to you, right now I don't know what I really feel, I do know that I don't want you away from me with my kid inside you, let that be enough for now. As to what you're saying we'll see, I don't want to miss out on anything ether but I don't see how we can share those things with things being the way they are. I can't sleep with you because I'll want you and I won't touch you feeling the way I do, that'll be an insult to the memory of what we had. I can promise to try to let go of some of my anger but it's not gonna happen overnight I'm sorry."
I cried for the second time that day as my heart broke inside, he really was gone from me. Even though the words had been spoken calmly instead of the anger of late, I finally accepted. My Dominic was never going to love me the way he once did. In that moment I believed if not for the child in my womb I might've ended my life so absolute was the pain in my soul.
Chapter 6
I wish I could say her tears moved me and all was forgiven but that's not how it went. I let her cry it out until she was done then set her aside to get her something to drink. Everything I did was for my kid, I won't say I wished her ill but I really didn't care about her one way or the other, not right now. There's no way that she could make me understand how she could've done it, she was supposed to be mine, in love; was love so fickle that a bout of loneliness could make you stray? I don't know, I never thought so, I would never have done that to her not in a million fucking years and I've had opportunities. Even now, feeling the way I do, I couldn't see myself going out there and putting my hands on another woman.
That evening I did something really fucked up. She made dinner and set the table, I guess she knew better than to call me to dinner but I knew she wanted me to sit with her and eat at least. But I couldn't give her even that and it pissed me the fuck off that she kept trying. So instead I walked right pass her at the table, took my keys off the hook by the door, slammed out the house and drove down the mountain.