Total pages in book: 107
Estimated words: 98418 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 492(@200wpm)___ 394(@250wpm)___ 328(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98418 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 492(@200wpm)___ 394(@250wpm)___ 328(@300wpm)
She takes a deep breath, her shoulders rising and falling. "Please don't. I can't do this Theo." Her voice is a broken whisper which rips my chest open.
"Look I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what happened to you, more than you can possibly know. And I'm so fucking sorry for the way I reacted to it. I just...I want to protect you from anything that would hurt you. I was hurt that you didn't tell me. I thought you trusted me." I inhale shakily. I step around the kitchen counter and toward where she stands at the top of the stairs with her back to me. "Please just stay for dinner so we can talk." I plead.
“I need to go home.”
“Please Lilly, just give me a chance.” I beg
She sighs. "Okay. I'll stay because I owe you, but then I'm going home." She turns and walks through the open french doors and out onto the patio.
Chapter 22 – Lilly
I lean on the railings that surround Theo's huge patio, the light in the pool makes the entire space glow a luminescent blue. I stare out over the vast city. The lights glitter like a thousand firefly's in the distance. I feel so removed from my surroundings up here.
I don’t know what I was thinking last night. It was drinking to forget that got me attacked in the first place. Maybe there’s a subconscious part of my brain that likes misery, that doesn’t want to be happy. God knows I can’t actually remember what happiness feels like. I think I’m the closest to it when I’m with Theo, and now that’s ruined too. I’m self-destructive.
This week has been awful. I got date raped, big deal. I don’t remember it. I was in a coma apparently, I woke up and I was fine. Do I feel violated? Of course. Do I want to kill the fucker that did it? Yes. Do I feel like a victim? Never. I will never be a victim. Theo, Molly, George, the press, they all make me feel like a victim. I feel horribly fragile and I'm angry at myself for allowing such weakness.
"Lilly." Theo stands behind me holding out a bottle of water.
I take it from him, my fingers lightly brushing his. "Thanks." I mumble.
He motions for me to sit at a small table pushed up against the railings. I sit, the cool metal of the chair sending a chill up my bare thighs. Theo sits across from me.
"I hurt you Lilly, and I'm sorry. I want to protect you from anyone who would harm you, not cause it." His head hangs low, the shame rolls off of him in waves. He looks dishevelled. Dark circles have formed under his beautiful eyes.
"I should have told you. The reason I didn't tell you Theo is because you've never made me feel anything but strong." I meet his pained gaze. "You're the last person who I ever wanted to look at me the way you're looking at me now." I turn and look out over the city, unable to meet his gaze for the first time since I met him.
"Looking at you like what?"
"Like I'm a wounded animal. Like you feel sorry for me." I swallow hard.
His face blanches. "Of course I feel sorry for you Lilly. I'm not a heartless bastard. Jesus." He frowns.
"I don't want your pity Theo." I snap back.
He reaches across the table and grabs my chin, forcing me to look at him. "What do you want from me? What am I supposed to do with this Lilly? Tell me, because right now all I want to do is find the piece of shit that did this to you and kill him." He closes his eyes and takes deep breaths. His jaw twitches with the strain. His fingers move and cup my cheek.
"I need you to do what you do best." I inhale deeply, leaning into his touch. "Be strong, make me feel strong." I meet his desperate gaze, his features so strained.
"I don't know how." His hand drops away as his eyes become desperately sad.
"You don't need to, it's just you." I think back to the way he was in my office that day. The anger, and the hurt in his eyes. "You walked away Theo. You found out and you walked away. That’s why I didn’t tell you.”
"I didn't handle it well. I'm so sorry." He looks ashamed of himself.
“This is why I warned you. I told you I had some shit in my past.” I bite my lip. "The look in your eyes when you were in my office...it was disgust." A wave of emotion threatens, my chest tightens with it as I speak the words. He moves and crouches in front of my chair. He brushes his thumb across my cheek, making my skin tingle.