Behind Closed Doors Read Online Brittainy C. Cherry, Kandi Steiner

Categories Genre: Contemporary, Romance Tags Authors: Brittainy C. Cherry, Kandi Steiner Advertisement

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I cry for night.

— B

One year ago, I never knew you existed.

Now, one year later, on the very same date,

I wish I could say the same.

— K

I fall in love with you again each time a photograph resurfaces.

I see old pictures of us laughing, of the memories we’ve made, of the happiness that didn’t exist in our final days.

I fall in love with your smile, the one you used to give to me.

I fall in love with the way your eyes sparkled with a sweet ecstasy.

I fall in love with the ghosts of who you and I were.

I fall in love with the pieces that existed before our hearts tore.

I fall in love with you.

At that moment.

In that memory.

At that time.

I click out of said photograph, and I try to return to the present day. I promise my entire being that I’ll be okay.

I’m happy that you’re gone because in the pictures I never cried. Yet behind those past smiles, I knew my soul would slowly die. The colorful photographs are now black and white in my mind.

Still, sometimes I fall.

— B

What hurts most of all is one day

you will find her —

the woman

you said

I could never be.

And you will stare into her eyes

and tell her about all the women

all the steppingstones

on that rocky path

that lead to her.

And I’ll still be here

where you passed me along the way

wishing the road ended here

with me

instead.

— K

You creep into my memories every time it rains

I stop all my actions as your shadows rumble in my thoughts

You echo in my brain

You paint pictures in my mind

I lose time

I lose my breath

I lose my strength

I choke on the memory of you

You pour into me

Your scents, your laughter, your favorite color

I drown in you

You.

You.

You.

Somewhere out there, you’re able to breathe

Yet still, your shadows choose to suffocate me

— B

I remember the breakthrough, when I told him I couldn’t talk to him anymore. I remember crying, knowing this really was it, that I was truly accepting what he had said: it was over, we were done.

And honestly, as much as he was different, and as much as he showed me this... INCREDIBLE love... that I will never forget... I knew it was what I needed to do. I had to remind myself that it didn’t matter what he had said, or done, or promised.

He still left.

He still said I wasn’t right for his life.

He still said “close, but no cigar.”

So, I wiped my face, and I stood again, and though it hurt as I hobbled in those first few steps, I took them with courage.

And I refused to keep weeping for a man who couldn’t see that I am enough.

— K

There’s a crack in the attic floor, and I think it belongs to you.

I’ll repair it later, but for now:

I scroll against the brokenness, hoping it won’t damage other corners of my home.

— B

In the movies, he always comes back. He always realizes he was wrong, he was stupid to let her go, he can’t live without her. And he comes back.

But this isn’t a movie.

And you’re staying gone.

And I still love you, anyway.

— K

My heart bleeds when you talk down to me

Yet I still crave your words

Your speech slices into my spirit

Your verbiage fucks my soul

I ache. I hate. I love. I need.

Bruised

Battered

Tarnished knees

Please say you love me

As if those words could fix the cracks that your lips made

I’ll quit tonight

I’ll put you away

I’ll close off my heart

Lock the memories away

Or maybe I’ll quit at sunrise

Just hurt me one more time

One more sentence

One more word

Somehow it always leads to more.

— B

You’re allowed to be sad

and cry for what you’ve lost

so long as you can also be happy

and smile for what you had.

— K

I suffocate:

From the

memory

of you.

— B

I used to believe love was enough,

that it could conquer everything.

He was the first one

to prove I was wrong.

And it only took once for me to learn the lesson.

— K

Why don’t we move to Wyoming?

Where night is still, and the morning is crisp.

We’ll sit under the stars, trading stories of what will someday be,

and talk about the past mistakes with a gleam of hope for tomorrow.

— B

I will always love you,

he said,

even if only silently

and from afar.

— K

I drown in our memories of who we once were.

There was a time I thought heaven was defined by our love.

Now:

You drink too much.

Drunk.

I cuss too much.

Bitch.

We’re in the same room but blind to one another, and it feels so distant.

We have sex and bourbon to embody our sins.

We fight and scream, yet no one ever wins.

When did the butterfly convert back to the caterpillar?

How can we go back to the cocoon and be rebirth?

— B

It was the last goodbye.

It was an hour of laughing,

one more of crying,

and another of being thankful.

For not everyone in this world

will get to experience the love we had.

Even if we didn’t get to keep it.

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