Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 85876 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 429(@200wpm)___ 344(@250wpm)___ 286(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85876 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 429(@200wpm)___ 344(@250wpm)___ 286(@300wpm)
“Sweetheart—”
“Don’t.” I use the sleeve of my sweater to wipe the tears off my cheeks. “You cheating is not my fault, Bowie, and I refuse to take the blame for it.”
“You’re right.” He swallows hard. “You are absolutely right. I fucked up.” I nod, because he did, and there is nothing else to say. “But I love you and our family. I want to make this work.”
“I don’t have it in me to give you that.” I lift my shoulders. “I’m sorry, but I don’t, and I won’t get over this. I won’t be able to move on. I’ll always resent you, and that is just not fair to you, me, nor Kingston.”
“So that’s it? We’re just done because you’re too fucking scared to give me a second chance?”
“You saw her last night. You didn’t get home until almost one. You didn’t have any regrets or second thoughts about what you were doing until right now. Until you knew that I know about her.”
“I love you!” he shouts, and I look over at Kingston, who is now looking at the two of us.
“I haven’t furnished the place I rented, so I’ll need a few days to get that sorted out,” I say calmly, sending Kingston a reassuring smile before I focus back on his dad. “And I know you and I will have a lot of stuff to figure out, but I don’t think right now is the time to try to do that.”
“You’re not taking my kid from me.”
“Of course I’m not. You’re his dad. He loves you. And us not being together isn’t going to change that.”
“This can’t be fucking happening. You can’t just decide you’re moving out, that you’re leaving me.”
“I know this is going to be hard for a while, but I think you’ll realize it’s for the best.”
“You’re just giving up. That’s it? You’re just moving out and giving up without even trying?”
“I got Kingston into a daycare close to the salon. The cost is a little steep, but I figured that between the two of us, we can pull it off.” I keep on track, because there is no use in rehashing the same thing over and over again.
“Did you ever even think to ask me about any of this?” The question sends my anger boiling over.
“Did you ever think about me?” I shoot back, and his jaw clenches.
“I know you’re working this evening. Maybe you can find a couch to crash on for a couple of days until I can get my place set up and move out.”
“This is my fucking house. I’m not staying somewhere else.”
“Okay,” I agree, because there is no point in arguing with him, not when he’s angry.
“Ice,” he whispers after a moment, and my chest gets tight. I know he’s saying I’m cold as ice, that I have no feelings. It’s something he’d say to me on occasion over the years when I didn’t give him the reaction he wanted. I hated it then, and I hate it even more now. I start to move around him, but he grabs onto my arm, stopping me. “You can’t leave me.”
“Don’t you see?” I look into his eyes, eyes that used to be my favorite until he shared them with our son, who then took that top spot. “I already have.”
“Daddy!” Kingston calls, and Bowie looks over at him, his chest expanding on a deep breath before he lets me go.
“What’s up, bud?” He walks over to Kingston, and my chest aches as he picks him up and kisses his cheek.
I might have mentally prepared myself to leave Bowie when I found out about Naomie, but I never could have prepared myself for this. I know he loves our son, and I know that even if I’m not going to keep them away from each other, their relationship is going to change, and I hate that.
When Bowie looks at me with tears in his eyes, I understand for the first time in my life why my mom had such a hard time leaving my dad all those times she found out he was cheating. Seeing his regret and pain almost makes me doubt my decision to walk away.
But I know two things. The first, things will never be the same. I know I don’t have it in me to get over his betrayal. And second, if I stayed, the resentment would eat away at me a little each day until there was nothing left of me.
CHAPTER SEVEN
miranda
When the doorbell goes off, I open my eyes and look down at Kingston, who’s tucked in the crook of my belly still asleep, and I kiss the back of his head. I know I’m setting myself up for disaster, sleeping with him these last couple of weeks, and it’s going to be difficult to break the habit, but that’s a bridge we’ll cross when we get into our new place. After carefully getting up, I tuck the blanket around his shoulders, then pad across the carpet, grabbing his baby monitor and my robe on the way out the door.