Total pages in book: 94
Estimated words: 89224 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 446(@200wpm)___ 357(@250wpm)___ 297(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 89224 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 446(@200wpm)___ 357(@250wpm)___ 297(@300wpm)
“You’re not safe. Falling in love with you, with Winter, with this life, it’s not safe.”
“You’ve never been safer than you are now.” I roll, taking her with me. I wrap her in my arms and let out a relieved breath when she doesn’t try to push me away or get up again.
“I don’t want to end up like her.”
My fucking heart aches from the pain in her voice.
“You won’t.”
“I can’t.”
“You won’t because you know what it feels like to be left. Because you remember what you felt when you found your mom like that, and you’d never want anyone you love or care about to experience that kind of pain.”
“I…” Her breath catches on a quiet sob. “I’m so scared.”
“I know.” I kiss the top of her head.
I hold her until the tears dry up, until her body goes limp against mine and her breathing evens out. And I stay right there until I know she’s not going to wake up, at least not right away. Only then do I carefully pull away from her, and I get up to check on Winter one more time, lock up, and turn out the lights. When I get back into bed, I pull her right back into my arms, and she curls her body around mine, clinging to me even in her sleep.
CHAPTER 28
emma
I always thought there was nothing worse than waking up after a night of drinking too much and not remembering what you did or how you ended up where you are. But when I wake with Miles’s arms wrapped around me and his legs tangled with mine, I know I was wrong.
Waking up and remembering every detail of the previous night is worse. So much worse. Embarrassment crawls across my skin, prickling uncomfortably. The moment I looked into his eyes last night after he kissed me, I knew I messed up, that somehow my feelings for him had gotten out of control. I realized he and Winter tangled themselves so tightly around my insides that I hadn’t just started to fall in love. I had fallen, and there was nothing left of who I was before them to grab on to.
“You’re awake,” his deep, sleepy voice whispers against my hair, and I nod, wishing I could disappear. “No dream last night?”
“No dream.” My voice sounds scratchy to my own ears. No nightmare, no finding my mom cold and waking in a panic when I’m unable to save her. I didn’t dream at all last night. “I’m sorry.”
“About what?” he asks gently, turning toward me so we are face-to-face.
“Freaking out.” I close my eyes when his fingers trail across my forehead, then behind my ear. “Obviously, I have some trauma I haven’t dealt with.”
“Have you ever talked to someone?”
“Like a therapist?” He nods, and I shake my head. “No, only to Gianna and Miranda.”
“We can find someone,” he offers, and I bite my lip to keep from saying I don’t need therapy. It’s obvious after last night that I do. My throat aches as I swallow. “Hazel made me go talk to someone while she was pregnant with Winter.” His voice is soft. “I wouldn’t ever talk to her about my mom or what happened to her. All she knew—knows, actually—is that she passed away and I went into the system. The only people who knew the whole story were Dayton, Tucker, and Clay… until you. Anyway, she told me that if I wouldn’t talk to her, I needed to talk to someone else.” His fingers smooth down the bridge of my nose.
“She was worried, because I was so overprotective, and for her, that felt stifling.” He lets out a laugh. “She was pregnant with Win. I was scared something would happen if I wasn’t there. My therapist told me there was nothing wrong with the way I was feeling or reacting, that some men just tend to be more protective than others. That, sure, the way my mom died played into that instinct in me, but it was nothing to worry about. As long as I was allowing Hazel to live her life the way she wanted, and I didn’t try to keep her from her friends and family or from doing the things she enjoyed.
“Which I never did. She just wanted the relationship without all my strings. She didn’t like that I called if she wasn’t home when she said she would be. She didn’t want to check in with me just to let me know she was okay. I couldn’t handle that, and it only got worse after Winter was born. I went back to the therapist after that, wondering if something was wrong with me, and that’s when he sat me down and told me maybe I shouldn’t be trying to fix myself to fit into a relationship with Hazel, but instead, maybe I should find someone who is okay with the things I need out of a relationship to make me feel secure.