Total pages in book: 137
Estimated words: 131486 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 657(@200wpm)___ 526(@250wpm)___ 438(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 131486 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 657(@200wpm)___ 526(@250wpm)___ 438(@300wpm)
I mutter the ingredients under my breath over and over like an incantation I wish could summon Byrd here. Or at least call on her wisdom, because I’ve messed things up so badly, I don’t know what to do. If the ingredients are the prayer, the steam rising from the boiling pot of noodles is the incense and this kitchen a temple where I would sacrifice just about anything to have her here with me right now.
“I miss you so much, Byrd,” I say, licking the tears from my lips. “Still.”
On my wedding day, she said, “I love you like a daughter, Yasmen, but if you hurt my boy, I’mma whoop your ass.”
I laugh through my tears, leaning my elbows on the kitchen island and dropping my head into my hands.
“Sorry I let you down,” I whisper. “I’d take that ass whooping just to have you back for a little while. I promise I’m trying to fix it, but it may be too late. You know how he is, though. As stubborn as I am.”
I close the recipe notebook. At this rate, we won’t eat before ten o’clock. Delivery then. I grab my phone and pull up a delivery app, hoping to find something we haven’t eaten recently. I’m ordering Mexican when a key turns in the lock of the back door and it opens. My jaw almost unhinges when Josiah fills the doorway. We stare at each other in elastic seconds that stretch into an endless silence. I’m mummified. Wrapped in a dozen reactions at once that paralyze me. I can’t move or speak.
“Hey,” he finally says. “Sorry I left like that.”
I blink at him and nod because it’s okay. He’s here and it’s okay.
“Just wondering,” he says, dragging a suitcase in behind him and into the kitchen. “If your offer still stands.”
“Yeah,” I croak out. “You mean my offer to…that if you want…we can…you could—”
“Come home,” he says, saving me from babbling for another twelve seconds. “I just grabbed the one suitcase. Figure I can get the rest later, and I know I have at least one pair of shoes here.”
“Oh, my God.” I cover my mouth, but hysterical laughter spills through my fingers. “I cannot believe I told you that.”
“I’m glad you did. You put all your cards on the table and held nothing back. I needed that from you, but I’m just sorry that in the moment I couldn’t do the same. I had a lot to process.”
It’s surreal that he’s here and saying he’ll come home. As the reality of him being here sinks in, my stomach somersaults and my heart beats so loud and hard, all the blood rushes to my head. My knees literally go weak, and I collapse onto the stool at the counter. My shoulders slump with what feels like years of relief. He crosses the room in a few steps, coming to stand between my legs, gripping me by the waist. He frowns and frames my face with his hands, thumbs skimming my damp cheeks.
“Your eyes are puffy,” he says, leaning down to drop a kiss on each eyelid. “I’m sorry I made you cry.”
I look up to study his face with the red eyes and the slight puffiness around his eyes. I palm his face, feeling fresh tears spring up.
“You’ve been crying too?” I ask.
“Courtesy of Dr. Musa.” He glances away and to the floor for a moment. “He sends his regards, by the way, and looks forward to meeting you.”
“You went to see him?”
“I needed to think things through, and he…well, he helps me do that.”
“I’m glad,” I whisper, so very proud of him and how far he’s come. How far we both have and for how far we still have to go…together.
“I know I didn’t want to do couples counseling before,” he says. “But I think it might be a good idea if we give it a try.”
I nod, almost scared to say much in case this is a dream and I wake myself up.
“I still have so much to work out on my own too,” he admits. “I’ll probably always want to fix things, to hold it all together. But I can get better.”
“I know you need to be strong for the people you love.” I angle my head so I can catch and hold his eyes with mine. “But I want to stand with you when it rains, when the wind comes. When it’s hard and the odds are stacked against us. We didn’t always do that before, but I believe if and when trials come, we will stand together.”
He presses his forehead to mine, palming my neck and bringing my lips to his.
“You have me,” I whisper into our kiss. “And I know you may not trust that. I can’t blame you, but I mean it. I’m not going anywhere.”