Total pages in book: 142
Estimated words: 138526 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 693(@200wpm)___ 554(@250wpm)___ 462(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 138526 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 693(@200wpm)___ 554(@250wpm)___ 462(@300wpm)
She lowers her voice an octave, dips her head, and raises a brow while speaking through the side of her mouth. “He’s really sexy when he’s anything.”
With that we both turn to look at him and sigh dreamily when he throws his head back and laughs at something Kyle said. Though Kyle is very attractive too, he doesn’t hold a candle to my Ezra.
“I’m so open to a bit of swinging, if you catch my drift.”
I narrow my eyes on her. “I will cut you.”
“Just putting it out there.”
“Slut.”
“You stole him first, you massive whore.”
I pull her hair.
“Ow. What the fuck?”
She pulls mine back, it burns my scalp.
Then we pull each other’s, yelling and laughing as we both scrap for dominance.
“Oh my God… get naked!” Kyle begs.
Chapter Forty-Four
He sings karaoke with me.
“Under the sea!” I sing comically, and the door slams shut behind me making me and Ezra howl with laughter.
I was mimicking my best friend who drank so many cocktails last night that she face-planted the floor outside of the bathroom and decided to swim across the polished wooden floor. Yep… legs kicking, arms flailing, belly bouncing… all the while singing, Under the Sea, from The Little Mermaid.
I laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe, and Ezra laughed so hard he fell off his seat.
Neither of us ended up going home and instead spent the night on Laurie’s sofa, curled together so sweetly. I’ve never been more comfortable being so uncomfortable.
We woke, I made breakfast, and then we left the two hungover lovebirds to start the day. I started mine with another note.
He holds me all night.
And another:
He loves my friends.
And a final:
He’s happy to sleep wherever I am.
“Done,” I mutter, stuffing it back in my bag, then I take the hand he holds out to me. “Let’s go enjoy the day.”
I squeal when he picks me up by my hips, lifting me high above his head.
“What are you doing?”
He drops me, kisses me, and drags me to his car. “Taking you home so we can shower, fuck, and I can convince you to stay another night.”
“I can’t, I have to work.” I pout. “The only reason I got to be here today is because Mr. Watanabe needs me on Saturday.”
He groans and presses me up against the side of the warm vehicle. “I won’t see you for another ten days.”
“It’ll fly by.”
“You’re right, it will fly by, time is flying by and that jar is getting fuller and fuller every day. I’m scared I was wrong, that when you reach the end, you’ll decide to leave me anyway.”
“Have hope. I’m sure everything will fall into place.”
He releases me and we head home silently.
We shower.
We fuck.
We shower again and then we fuck again and, finally, he takes me to the airport.
We stand by the gate with tears in our eyes and heavy hearts in our chests.
After we hug and kiss, I board my flight, clicking my fingers as I go, and cry some more because what if he’s right? What if these are our last few weeks together?
Because he’s right, we can’t keep doing the long-distance thing, not if we want to be serious. That’s not the kind of relationship I want.
I enter my apartment, ripping the notes from the notepad and folding them, there are so many this time but then there always are.
I drop each one into the vase, giving it a gentle shake so every available space is full, and when I’m done, tears fill my eyes because there’s only space for one more. Two at most, but the jar is pretty full up.
The tears fall as I grip the table and look at it, still undecided. I know I forgive him. I know our past doesn’t hurt me anymore, well, not as much. But can I leave everything I’ve built these past six months to return to him?
I don’t like change, I never have.
I rock the chair back and forth, listening to the wooden legs hit the floor. Twelve times. Twenty-four times. I don’t stop until my phone snaps me out of it when it vibrates, I’ve already sent Ezra a text to let him know I’m safe home.
Ezra: Just ten more days. I’ll be counting.
Rose: The jar is full, Ezra. It has room for one more note on the top.
Ezra: Whatever you decide I will always love you and I will never stop hoping that you’ll return to me one day. You have ruined me for all other women. I love you, Rose Sinclair.
I don’t reply. I need time to think. But then… I think of this pain in my chest that I feel every time he leaves and every time I leave him.
I hate this. I wish I never left LA to begin with. Then I notice that my fingers aren’t clicking and I’m not pacing and I’m not thinking in sixes because I’m so entirely consumed by him. Because loving him rids me of my usually crippling anxieties.