Total pages in book: 99
Estimated words: 96129 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 481(@200wpm)___ 385(@250wpm)___ 320(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 96129 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 481(@200wpm)___ 385(@250wpm)___ 320(@300wpm)
“I’ve got you.”
It was all he said, and apparently, the only thing I needed to hear, because I gained enough strength to stand and look at our mothers one last time before I let him take my hand and walk me back to the car.
“I want to drive by the house,” I said, voice hoarse as I looked up at him.
Dominic’s eyes flashed. “Roselyn.”
“If you want to go in the other car I understand, but I need to see the neighborhood. I need to.”
He looked worried, as if my seeing the neighborhood would cause a complete breakdown, and maybe it would, but I needed to go there anyway. I needed to. It didn’t matter how many people I spoke to about this, or how many times I replayed it in my head as a reminder, I still hadn’t let myself fully grieve. I’d always had Santi to look after. He’d lost a mother too, and he’d been too young to fully understand any of it. I still didn’t fully understand any of it and I was now an adult. Then again, how do you wrap your head around something like this? I didn’t think doing all of this would help the pain completely go away. How could it? For a moment, I wanted to stop running from it and just let myself feel it. After what felt like an eternity, he opened the door beside us and we got in the car. From the way his jaw was twitching, I could tell he was only doing this for me. The closer Nico got to the neighborhood, the more I felt like maybe this was a bad idea.
“I feel like throwing up,” I said.
Dom’s eyes snapped to me. “Do you want to stop the car?”
“No.” I breathed. “I just . . . maybe this isn’t a good idea after all.”
“We’ll just drive by, okay? We won’t go into the cul-de-sac. We’ll stop at the corner, look, and leave.” He searched my eyes and I realized that he needed this as much as I did.
I gave a nod. “Okay.”
We’d been sitting with a space between us, but he took off my seatbelt, reached over, and dragged me onto his lap, cradling me as we both looked outside. We drove by our elementary school, our middle school, then our high school. Finally, we got to the cul-de-sac and Nico slowed down. He stopped just down the street. There were kids on bikes and parents putting up Christmas decorations. It was a lot. Maybe too much. But I watched them anyway. Dominic’s arms tightened around me. After a few more seconds, he looked at Nico and told him to drive.
30
DOMINIC
It was dark out when we got home, and we both headed straight to the shower and bed. We hadn’t said much on the way back. I’d like to think it was comfortable silence, but it just felt heavy. I wouldn’t have done that for anyone but Rosie. I didn’t even think I could do it if Gabe or Rocco asked me to. Seeing that sculpture was too much. Seeing the neighborhood was worse. I didn’t know what she got from it, but I just felt angrier at the whole thing. It didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered right now was that I was lying in bed with Roselyn.
“Do you ever think about that night, like, really think about it?” Rosie asked quietly. I squeezed her a little tighter to myself and breathed her in for a moment.
“Dom.”
“What?”
“I asked you a question.”
“Every fucking day, Rosie. Same as you do. Same as Gabe. Same as Rocco. Same as Mikey.” I turned so that we were facing each other and swiped a lock of hair out of her face. “I can’t imagine any of us don’t.”
“But I mean really think about it. I think about it every day, but after today, I don’t know. It just made me realize details I hadn’t paid attention to,” she said, brows pulling in. “Like, it wasn’t a robbery. They tied us up, but they didn’t go through our things. They were masked but never spoke. Only women were killed. They didn’t . . .” she took a breath. “They didn’t rape them, but they killed them, one shot in the head, point blank.”
“Yeah.” I swallowed. “I think about that.”
How could I not? There was no denying that what happened that Tuesday fucked us up, because it did, and no amount of therapy or hypnosis or even drugs helped because none of those things could bring our mothers back. That really tripped me up when I thought about it. They’d aimed for our mothers.
“Your stepdad died, though, and Patriarcha’s guy also died, so I guess it wasn’t only women,” she said quietly.
“My stepdad only died because he stepped forward to protect Mom.” I shut my eyes briefly, the image instantly coming back.