Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83394 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83394 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
“You should.” Joey walked over and nudged my nose with his. “I hate that I didn’t think of it before. I know you’re insecure about reading, but it won’t be the same as an adult. And you’re so much better at it nowadays.”
I could sense the excitement in him, feel it, and damned if it wasn’t contagious. If it didn’t make me start wanting things too. “It’ll just make me feel like shit.” Part of my issue was lack of confidence, and I’d never get over that.
“College isn’t high school, Gage.” I shook my head, but he held on to my waist. “Okay…maybe online? I can take it with you. You’ll do all the work, of course, but if you need help, I can read things out loud to you. And we could do it how we did in school and use your words—you tell me what you want to say, and I’ll write it for you.”
A happy tremor danced beneath my skin, but it was dampened by my shame at needing his help that way. “Then is it really me doing it?”
“Yeah. It is. They’ll be your words; they were always your words.”
“I don’t know. I’ll think about it. Right now I just want to get ready with my sexy-ass boyfriend who’s going to take me to a gay bar for the first time.”
“You’re not as smooth as you think,” he told me, but dragged me to the bathroom to shower, letting me get away with stalling.
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
Joey
We met Mouse and Romeo at a restaurant not far from the bar we were going to. It was funny how I was beginning to think of them by their old nicknames again, the same way I’d reclaimed Jojo. If I was with Gage, I was his Jojo, and that was just the way it was. I’d been foolish to pretend otherwise.
We didn’t drive, opting for a car service instead.
We had cocktails with our dinner, laughing and talking about both the past and the present.
“Remember the cabin?” Romeo asked. “That was the first time this one kissed me. I already knew I loved her, but there was never any possibility of anyone else after that day.”
Mouse blushed. “God, I was so insistent on never falling in love. Thank you for not giving up on me.” She leaned over and kissed him.
Gage made a fake gagging sound, and we all erupted in laughter.
This was how it was supposed to be. This was how it was always supposed to have been with the four of us—this one moment in time. I wanted to have it more often. I wanted to hold on to it tightly and never let go.
“The cabin is one of my favorite memories,” Gage said, interrupting my thoughts. “We were able to feel so normal, ya know? We didn’t have to hide or pretend or worry about anything except being happy and having fun.”
I laid my head on his shoulder, nuzzled his neck, breathed him in. “Mine too.”
“If they get a decent amount of snow in Big Bear this year, we should get a cabin, introduce Olivia to snow,” Mouse suggested.
“Oh my God. Yes.” I turned to Gage. “I want to go to the mountains with you and pelt you in the face with snowballs.” My excitement surprised me, but I didn’t want to hold it back, didn’t want to tamp it down. I wanted to allow myself to find pleasure any way I could. I felt like a kid.
“So you want to hit me?”
“Yes.” I grinned. “And build a snowman with you and see what Olivia thinks about it. We can take her sledding!” In that moment, I was only Jojo again. Everything that happened, the truth of us, hadn’t magically disappeared, of course; it was all there still, but it wasn’t owning me. I was letting myself be me, finding myself again, despite the things we’d been through.
It wasn’t perfect. It never would be, and tomorrow or later today I could feel like shit again, but right then, I didn’t. Right then, I was happy.
“Okay.” Gage nodded. “What kind of uncle would I be if I wasn’t there the first time she experienced snow?”
It felt like we had a plan, like we were going the next day even though it wasn’t even cold enough for snow in the mountains yet.
We finished our meal and our drinks, then held hands as we walked down Santa Monica Boulevard.
The line to get into the bar wasn’t too long. Inside, colored lights flashed, revealing hundreds of people kissing, dancing, talking. The music made my chest vibrate.
“Dance with me,” I told Gage.
“You fast dance?”
“No, but I want to with you. I never got to dance with you in public when we were kids.” We’d had one dance together, in my bedroom, when Gage just wanted to make me happy, when he’d given all his public dances that night to Katie.