Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83394 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83394 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
There was no reason he shouldn’t meet as many boys as he wanted. I should want that for him. I hated that he felt like he had to hide who he was.
This wasn’t supposed to bother me.
But it did.
Which was weird and totally unfair. I didn’t understand any of it.
Katie grabbed my hand and put her head on my shoulder. I tried to force myself to pay attention to her, then freaked out because it wasn’t something I should have to force. I was dating her, and she was beautiful and nice and…why did I feel like I could scream? Like my insides were breaking into all these little pieces and I was powerless to stop it?
Before I knew it, we were in the car, driving home. Mike and Joey were in the back, talking. They both liked to read, and hearing that made those pieces inside me break into smaller and smaller fragments. I could hardly even fucking read. It was pathetic.
Katie went to Joey’s house first.
“Can you, um…drop me at the end of the driveway?” he asked, and I knew why without him having to tell me. If his dad was awake, he’d see me and Katie, Joey and Mike, and make assumptions.
“Are you sure?” Katie asked.
To my surprise, Mike said, “Yeah, just do it,” like he knew why, like he knew Jojo, like they had this thing between them that I didn’t share, and that made my whole body go rigid.
“It gets better,” I heard him say, and it hit me in a strange way, because he did know Joey, knew him in this way no one else around him did. They were both gay. They had that in common, a thread Joey probably needed, which made me feel like shit for not liking the guy and for hoping they never talked again.
“Thanks,” I heard Joey mumble from the back seat.
“Here, give me your phone,” Mike said. “In case you ever need to talk.”
I closed my eyes, tried to fight the collision of conflicting feelings building a tangled web inside me.
We stopped at the end of Joey’s driveway. “Thanks. I had fun,” he said, then paused, and I knew he was waiting for me to reply.
“See ya.” I didn’t look back. I was being a dick and I knew it. I just didn’t know how to quit doing it.
We went to my house next. As soon as we pulled up, I heard the music coming from inside our trailer. Knew Dad had friends over and they’d be drinking and partying. That I’d wake up tomorrow and find people passed out all over the floor and couch and chairs. “Sorry I was such bad company. My head was killing me.” She didn’t deserve me acting like I had. None of them did. I was all fucked up and confused and didn’t know why. I leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to her lips, then said to Mike, “See ya later, man.”
He nodded, and I left. As soon as I went inside, Dad spotted me. “Beer’s in the kitchen,” he said, because why not offer your seventeen-year-old son alcohol? The house smelled like weed too, smoke in the air. There were only six of them, his crew including Mouse’s mom.
“Nah, I’m good,” I replied just as my phone buzzed. I pulled it out to see a text from Joey: 1. We’d come up with a numbers code so I could read the texts easier and faster. One meant he wanted to meet at our spot.
I should’ve said no. Part of me wanted to. What I would even say when I saw him, I didn’t know, because I couldn’t figure out what I was feeling or thinking myself, but still I replied back: 1.
I went straight for the back door, grabbed my flashlight, and was on my way. It was cold as shit out, making me wish I’d taken the time to grab gloves. I had on only the coat I’d worn all night.
It didn’t take me long to get to our tree, a huge redwood about halfway between his house and mine. The trunk separated at the bottom, leaving a large open space that came together a little ways up. I wasn’t surprised to see Joey already there. He had a flashlight and a blanket wrapped around him where he sat, leaning against the tree.
We were quiet for a moment, me looking down at him, Jojo staring up at me with those wide, questioning hazel eyes. We didn’t talk for a while, neither of us knowing what to say, I assumed. Finally, he asked, “Are we okay?”
“What?” I ran a hand through my hair. “Of course. We’re always okay.” How could he think otherwise?
He sighed and stood up, still holding the blanket like it was a cape. “I just… You were being weird tonight, and I don’t understand why.”