Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 87766 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 439(@200wpm)___ 351(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87766 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 439(@200wpm)___ 351(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
“I know,” I sigh. “Look, you don’t have to explain anymore.”
“But I do!” He implores. “I owe you so much more, but an explanation is a decent place to start. I don’t know how to do this any other way.” His eyes are pleading, and I nod for him to continue.
“Can we go to dinner?” He hesitates, and his eyes are so genuine and kind that I nod, and the way his entire face relaxes, takes me aback. “How about hibachi? There’s a fairly new place that opened here in the mall, have you been?”
“No, but it sounds good.”
We reach the restaurant, and Josh asks for a table, rather than being seated where they cook in front of you. We’re immediately lead to a small dining section in the very back, and seated in a small booth off to the side.
“Can I just explain what I tried to in my office that day?” He asks, and I nod, but he takes a minute to begin, as we first give the waiter our drink orders.
“So in the beginning of the year, the more you and I started talking, the more I called Holly and saw her. It was a way for me not to feel so bad about how I felt towards you, and a means to actually relieve the reaction you brought out in me. I could pretend it was you, without doing anything illegal. It was terrible and wrong,” he pauses. “But as I got to you know more, we felt less and less wrong. We both knew it was, but it didn’t feel it, did it?” He looks my way and I shake my head. Nothing about him ever felt wrong.
“The day we kissed is the day I stopped calling and seeing her. I stayed at Deb’s constantly. I fell for you, Luci and it scared the fuck out of me because I never felt anything like that before with anyone,” he swallows. “We got so serious, but the situation made it difficult. I can’t even begin to tell you how I racked my brain over you day and night.”
Our drinks arrive, and I take a sip from my water, my eyes never leaving his.
“I don’t know why I didn’t tell you about the divorce to begin with. I guess I was scared it would put you off, and I didn’t want to loose you,” he admits. “Months passed, and I literally didn’t hear a thing from her until she called to tell me she was pregnant,” he sighs. “She said she waited to tell me because she didn’t know how I would react, especially since I was always so careful about using protection. I guess she also needed time to concoct her story.”
“Are we ready to order?” The waiter interrupts, and Josh looks at me for confirmation. I haven’t even look at the menu, but easily pick something out anyway. Josh does the same, and as soon as the man walks away, he continues.
“It was wrong and selfish to continue with you after she told me, but I couldn’t get enough of you. I tried so many times to tell you, but every time I just wanted to kiss you again in case it was the last. Even down to the time I wanted you to get pregnant, so it would be you I could do the right thing with and not her. That’s when I knew I had to let you go,” he shudders. “I can’t even think about it I hate myself so much. I was scum. I hurt the one person who meant the most to me, and I have no idea how to tell you how sorry I am.”
“It was selfish,” I agree. “And wrong of you to withhold that from me, no matter what you thought I would do,” I add. “Honestly, I was so into you I probably wouldn’t have even care that you were in the middle of a divorce.”
“That’s what made everything worse,” he laughs coldly. “You always seem to see the best in me.”
“Can we talk about something not so painful?” I attempt to change the subject. “I can’t afford to fall for you again, and your words make it too convincing not to.”
He laughs loudly, and I look away.
“So how’s the teacher I’m student teaching with?”
“You know,” he sits back. “I don’t even know who it is. I can find out Monday if you want.”
“Nah,” I wave my hand. “It’s just another week. I can wait. Either way, it doesn’t matter, I’m stuck with whoever it is anyway.”
“Yeah,” he sighs. “Did Gracie hear back from any schools yet?”
“Yeah, but she’s still undecided,” I pause. “She said you came around last weekend looking for me.”
“I felt really bad after the party,” his foot knocks me under the table, and he doesn’t move it. “I was having such a good time too.”