Total pages in book: 115
Estimated words: 108531 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 543(@200wpm)___ 434(@250wpm)___ 362(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 108531 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 543(@200wpm)___ 434(@250wpm)___ 362(@300wpm)
He shouldn’t have sent her with Paul. He should have known his brother would screw everything up for him. What line of bull had he been feeding her? Likely the same line he’d been feeding their mother for years.
He took the stairs up to the second floor two at a time, anger giving him a second wave of energy.
He stepped into the waiting room, perfectly ready to explain to his brother that part of taking the money he was about to give him would include his promise to stay away from Jayna.
Paul sat alone in the room, hunched over, head in hands, and his brother looked the very picture of weariness. Not of the body, but the aching tired that could only come from the soul.
What did he owe his brother? His family?
Maybe it was time to stop thinking about obligation and ask what he wanted. Truly wanted. Did he want to have a relationship with his brother? Did he want to try again? To set himself up for disappointment?
If we don’t have hope, I don’t know what we have.
Jayna had asked, and she hadn’t been asking about Paul. She’d meant what hope was there for them. She was unsure about her place in the world and couldn’t bring herself to believe he would always want her. Life had whispered to her time and time again that she wasn’t enough.
What had life whispered to his brother?
He moved in and the minute he sat down, his brother’s head came up.
His eyes were rimmed with red. “Hey. You missed the doc. He said she came through with flying colors. She’s back in the ICU for an hour or so and then they’ll move her into a room. I can call him back if you want. You’ll probably want to talk to him yourself.”
Because he wouldn’t believe that Paul could even get that much right. “No. It’s good. We’ll wait until she’s settled in her room and then head to the hotel. How is your side?”
He’d been the one stabbed and yet Paul hadn’t said more than a few words about it. The Paul of the last several years would have made the biggest scene, centering it around himself in every way.
“It’s fine.” He waved off the worry. “The asshole didn’t want to kill me, just make a very specific point. I gave Jayna the name.”
“She told me. We’ll handle it in the morning.”
“Thanks. I know you don’t have any reason to believe me, but I’m going to pay you back as soon as the house closes.” He went quiet for a moment. “And I’m sorry we were late. I asked Jayna to take me to a meeting.”
“A meeting?” It struck him what kind of meeting they might find after midnight. “NA?”
“I’m sorry. I know you needed me here, but all I could think about was using and I can’t. I can’t.” His brother’s voice broke, and he had to take a deep breath. “I was under a lot of stress, stress that I put on myself, and when I’m stressed I don’t deal well. So I had Jayna find a meeting for me. Luckily it’s pretty easy to find one in the city. I’m sorry. It was selfish.”
“No, it wasn’t. It’s the most mature thing you’ve . . .” He realized what he was about to say and how it would do nothing but add more weight to his brother’s burden. If Paul was being honest, then he was hurting in a way Quaid couldn’t understand. He knew he had every right to feel what he felt, but he could also show his brother a bit of grace for trying. “It was a mature decision. How are you feeling now?”
“It helped. I talked and got some stuff off my chest and listened to other people. I would never have imagined how much listening helps,” Paul admitted.
“What do you do when you’re in Papillon?”
“Oh, I’ve gone to a meeting almost every day I’ve been home.” Paul sat back, a cup of that stale coffee in his hand.
“Really?”
“Yes. There’s one at four every day at the library. It’s held in one of the conference rooms off the main building. I’ve also got a sponsor who’ll answer my calls, but he’s back in LA. When I was there, we had coffee a couple of times a week to check in.”
“You really do this?”
Paul nodded. “I have a schedule and reminders on my phone. It’s my rehab, and I won’t miss it. I know how slippery that slope is. I’ve seen the bottom, and I don’t want to be there again.”
He was quiet, thinking about what Paul had said. He had so many questions, but he wasn’t sure what would be rude to ask.
But being polite hadn’t worked for them. Maybe it was time to be frank. “Why do you think it will work this time?”