Total pages in book: 62
Estimated words: 61942 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 310(@200wpm)___ 248(@250wpm)___ 206(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 61942 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 310(@200wpm)___ 248(@250wpm)___ 206(@300wpm)
“But it didn’t take place after what happened to me…”
I stared.
“That wasn’t enough. I had to shoot my father and save your life to change your mind.”
“You didn’t change my mind. I’ve just come to realize my retirement is inevitable. My love for you is inevitable.”
Her arms remained locked across her chest.
“Sweetheart, I’m sorry it took so long for me to get here, but I’m here now.”
She wouldn’t look at me.
“Laura.”
“The answer is no.”
It was like another knife between my ribs. Nothing I said mattered. Her decision was ironclad. “You ran down there, shot your own father to save my life, put a gun to your ex’s head…and you don’t want to be with me? Explain to me how that makes sense.”
She didn’t explain anything.
“I’m giving you what you want. A quiet life. A safe one.”
Her eyes found mine again, and then she shook her head. “No.”
“No, what?”
“I was willing to sacrifice my dream, but you weren’t willing to sacrifice yours.”
“What did I just fucking say?” My temper reared its ugly head. This union should be beautiful. We should be fucking on the couch right now. “I’m making the sacrifice to be with you.”
“And what if I don’t want to make the sacrifice anymore?”
All the anger left my body.
“I want a family, Bartholomew. You didn’t make your sacrifice, so I won’t make mine. Take it or leave it.” Her eyes turned guarded, and she kept the distance between us.
I didn’t know what to say, and that showed in the long stretch of silence. “What’s wrong with it being just the two of us?”
“Because I want more. I want us to make something together. I want to look at my son and see your face. I want to have my children when you’re gone.”
I’d been so fucking close, and now it slipped away again. “That’s not what we agreed to—”
“We agreed you wouldn’t give up anything and I would give up everything. That’s what we agreed to. Just to refresh your memory.”
“And now I’m making a sacrifice—”
“I love you, but it’s not enough.”
Why did I have to fall for a woman so innately incompatible? I could have any woman in the fucking world, but she had to be the one I wanted. I forced my voice to be calm, and I restrained my anger. “Laura, my parents dumped me in an orphanage. Then a couple years later, they started their family. Not once did they come to find me.”
“I know, Bartholomew. And I’m so sorry about that.”
“I don’t know how to be in a family. I don’t know how to be a father. How could I ever know when I didn’t have a father of my own? How could I know when I never had the chance to be a regular kid? And you think I’m gonna be father of the year?”
“I can teach you these things.”
“I probably won’t want them, just the way my father didn’t want me.”
“That’s not true—”
“They never came back for me. It’s like I never happened. Abandoned me in that fucking orphanage while they lived just five blocks away. If that’s not hate, I don’t know what is. Sometimes I still think about killing them…”
Her eyes softened. “I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t want your goddamn pity. I just want you to understand how deeply I hate kids.”
“You don’t hate them.”
“Yes, I do—”
“You’re scared of them. There’s a difference.”
“Laura, if having kids is that important to you, more important than the love we have for each other, then I’m the absolute worst choice. You should forget about me and find a man who wants what you want instead of forcing me to be something I’m not.”
“I know you can do it—”
“It’s a twenty-year commitment. It’s not going to university for four years then having a great job. It’s twenty fucking years. By the time they move out, we’ll be old. Too old to live our lives.”
“But we’ll be living our lives with them. The best years of our lives.”
“The answer is no.”
“Then what will you be doing with your time? We can’t travel the world all the time for twenty years. That’ll get old. We’ll want different things as we age, and having a family is something you’ll appreciate—”
“I said no.”
Her arms tightened over her chest as her eyes watered. She took a deep breath and blinked, fighting the tears that sprang to the surface.
We were back to the same ending. All roads led us here.
If I hadn’t walked into that goddamn shop that afternoon, none of this would have happened.
I wouldn’t have loved another woman and lost her.
“Then this is goodbye…”
Again. “Yeah.”
“Take care of yourself, Bartholomew.”
There were other things I wanted to say, but that would just make it harder on both of us. “I hope you find everything you’re looking for…”
26
BARTHOLOMEW
The wrap finally came off—and I had a nasty scar all the way up my torso.