Total pages in book: 13
Estimated words: 12035 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 60(@200wpm)___ 48(@250wpm)___ 40(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 12035 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 60(@200wpm)___ 48(@250wpm)___ 40(@300wpm)
She’s under the delusion that my bark is worse than my bite and now she ignores half the shit I say to her. “Son when did you get here?” I hugged my dad and ignored the other man in the room.
“Still not talking to me nephew?” The asshole judge was sitting on a recliner in my family’s den. “I hear I did you a favor boy show some gratitude.” He thought that shit was funny.
“I should turn your ass in to the bar for abuse of power. I’ve gone deaf in one ear dealing with fucking kids all day. Do you know what I had planned for my vacation?”
“Yes but had you gone you never would’ve met her now would you?” He had me there but still, I wasn’t about to let him off the hook that easy.
I shot the shit with them but I wasn’t too thrilled about leaving Jo alone with my mother too long. That old lady could do a lot of damage in a very limited amount of time.
I found them in the living room going through the family album. “Ma, really?”
“What? I was just showing her that you weren’t always this brute that we see standing before us here today. I’m not about to take responsibility for this.” She waved her hand up and down in front of me.
“He went into the marines a nice young man and this is what the government sent me back.” What the fuck? “So tell me Josephine, what do you think about children?”
Oh fuck! “Well. I’ve always said seven would be my limit.”
“Oh that’s wonderful.” Ma clapped her hands like she was at a church social and then she did that female shit. “Ma what the fu…why are you crying?”
“Oh don’t mind me it’s nothing. I have to go check on dinner.” She left the room in a hurry after kissing my cheek.”
“Did I say something wrong?”
“Nah that’s just ma, she’s got baby-mania. My fuckwit brother and asshole brother in law can’t get the job done so I guess she thinks it’s up to me now.”
“What can’t we get done?” My brother and asshole brother in law came into the room with their women. “I was just telling my girl how your jarhead ass can’t even make a baby. You’ve been married to my sister what, six months? Why the fuck is ma still on my ass about grandkids?”
“You do realize it takes nine months to take a kid to full term right?”
“You do realize it takes nine seconds to put my foot up your ass right?”
“Okay you two we have company. Grant, leave my honey alone.”
“My ass, all those marines I brought home over the years and you had to go and marry this.”
“I’ll have you know I fell in love with him the first time you brought him home in high school.”
“Dumb fuck no wonder he had to join the navy, the marines have higher standards.” Lisa and Stella my asshole brother’s wife dropped down on the seat next to Jo and started up a conversation.
Ma started calling us in to dinner and I felt the pressure. This was a bad fucking idea. The women in my family are not exactly subtle.
Ma led the charge as soon as we sat down to dinner, putting in her bid for a daughter in law and grandkids. How the fuck Jo didn’t just up and leave in the middle of it is a mystery.
“And you plan to stay in the city or do you see yourself moving away some day?”
“Oh no, I could never live anywhere else. I actually like Grant’s place more than my apartment.”
“Oh you’ve been to Grant’s?” Like her nosy ass didn’t know.
“I’m staying there actually. It’s actually closer to work and there’s so much more room. An apartment’s fine for one person but…oh I’m sorry I know it’s not the right thing to be shacking up before marriage…”
“Oh pooh, that’s outdated logic. And your family. Will you be joining them for Christmas?” This fucking woman. I could feel the fucking noose tightening. They weren’t coming right out and saying it, but I could read between the lines.
By the end of the night she was one happy girl; she knew the deal. All the embarrassing questions, the fishing expedition. Fuckers were worst than FSB interrogating an insurgent. But the kicker was when ma invited her into her kitchen to help cook next Sunday. She won’t even let her own sister in there.
“So, your family, I like them.” We’d barely made it in the door when she started her shit. I just gave her one of my looks, which her snippy ass, always ignore anyway.
“Listen, if we do this shit we’re doing it my way.”
“What shit Grant?” Yeah I believe that innocent little girl shit because I fell off a turnip truck.