Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 84407 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 422(@200wpm)___ 338(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84407 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 422(@200wpm)___ 338(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
“I’m not hurt.” He scoffs. “I learned not to count on her a long time ago.”
“It’s still hard. She’s still our mom,” I say, plopping down on the couch next to him. I kick my feet up onto the coffee table and lie back. “I’ve dealt with her shit for twenty-one years, and she still manages to let me down sometimes.”
“She’s trying to get into rehab instead of doing time.”
I shrug. “I hope she serves a few months at least, but either way, she’ll be sober.”
“Is she any better when she’s sober? She’s never been clean long enough for me to notice.”
“Not really. I think she was always fucked up. The drugs just made it worse.” I know my mom had a rough childhood. I also know she has a whole slew of mental health issues, but I don’t know which came first. Is she a product of her upbringing? Did the drugs cause her issues, or did her issues cause her to turn to drugs?
I don’t even want to think about all the shit I saw as a kid and how it might have affected me. Am I broken? Is that why I can’t trust? Is that why I always go for the wrong men? Why I gravitate toward older men in positions of power? Teachers. Coaches. Bosses. Will I ever have a normal, healthy relationship? Am I destined to repeat the cycle? One of my biggest fears is ending up like my mother—addicted to drugs and love and dysfunction. My biggest fear of all, though, is that Jess will suffer because of her. I’ve tried so hard to fill that role for him, but the truth is, I’m not his mom. I was just a kid myself.
“I won’t talk to her anymore,” Jess says.
“That’s up to you.”
“I know. And I choose not to be in contact with her.”
“Probably for the best, considering I stopped paying rent…and all the other bills. You don’t want to be around when she figures that out.”
Jess laughs and plucks a roach from the ashtray and lights it. He inhales and leans back against the couch.
“Does Henry care if you smoke weed in his house?”
“He smokes cigarettes in here,” he says, holding out the inch-long blunt in invitation. I shake my head. “That’s worse, if you ask me.”
“True.”
“Plus, he’s not home tonight.”
He’s not around much, though I can’t fault him for that since he told us as much in the beginning. I know he sleeps in the room above his shop, but I’ve wondered if maybe he’s got a lady friend he’s staying with, too. It would explain why he doesn’t seem to be in too much of a hurry to find a new place.
“Any idea where we’re going to stay once our time here is up?” Jess asks before he mutters a curse and flicks the roach back into the ashtray. He shakes his hand and then inspects his singed fingertips.
“I’ll figure it out.”
Somehow.
* * *
“ARE YOU HIGH?” CORDELL ASKS once his last client is out the door. I’m drinking a beer on the couch in the drawing room, waiting to close up shop.
“High on life.” I don’t know what he’s referring to, but I’d bet my left nut it has something to do with Lo.
“You don’t hire chicks. Especially ones that look like her.” He points a finger toward the front desk, where Lo worked all day.
It’s not a secret that she’s fucking gorgeous, but the irrational part of me wants to throttle Cord for even noticing. I don’t know why or how she pulls this reaction from me, but I need to get this shit in check, so I don’t respond. He’ll drop it if I pretend not to care.
“Especially one that you’re into.”
It’s an accusation—one that I can’t ignore. It’s not that it’s against my rules to hire women. I just haven’t in a long time—for two reasons. It’s not anything against them. On the contrary. Men are territorial sons of bitches for one, and when more than one is interested in a colleague, shit gets ugly fast. I’ve seen it happen firsthand. The second reason is that there is a shortage of female artists in the area. All the good ones work in the bigger cities.
“Who said I’m into her?” I keep my tone bored, unaffected.
“Uh, anyone with eyes? You didn’t take yours off her the entire time she was here. I’m surprised your client didn’t end up with her fucking portrait on his back.”
“Is there a point to this little chat?” Patience is not something I have a lot of as it is, so it’s pretty much nonexistent right now.
“Just making sure you know what you’re doing, man.”
“I’m not doing anything. We needed help, so I hired help. Isn’t that what you’ve been bitching at me to do for the last six months?”