Total pages in book: 115
Estimated words: 107402 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 537(@200wpm)___ 430(@250wpm)___ 358(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 107402 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 537(@200wpm)___ 430(@250wpm)___ 358(@300wpm)
So I never really had a safe place to land. If I was brought into this marriage in all the ways deemed wrong, then what do I really have?
Nico’s love.
I have his love. A man who was incapable of love handed it over to me without batting a lash. Then he told me that I can basically tell him to leave my family alone, and he will. So I wield power yet feel powerless. My fuck. My head begins to pound, and the air is thick. It’s starting to suffocate me. I need to take a pharmacy-worth of drugs to knock myself out for a week.
“You all right in there, Emelia?” Nico’s voice breaks through my fog.
“Yes. Is there a chance you have some headache medication here? My head is pounding,” I ask. And why are we here? This place is stunning, but I have a hard time believing he brought me here for a “second honeymoon.”
“Yes, the staff has arrived. I have your suitcase here, and I will get you some water and some medicine.” His feet don’t retreat, and I assume he wants me to say something, but I’m all tapped out. Is he wanting something more from me? Me to tell him it's all okay? It's not.
I wanted to be made love to after his love bomb, but the option he laid at my feet may have been the least effective and counterproductive thing he could have given me. I don’t want to be near him. I need space. I need a moment to process and to breathe through this. To find out where to go from here.
Finally, his steps leave, and it feels… freeing. I love Nico. At least I think I do. Goddammit. Was it all just passion? Lust? And all the pent-up joy from this truly amazing day that took over? Maybe we both just believe it from experiencing all that.
I don’t fucking know. I almost scream this into the room, but I refrain.
“Here’s the medicine and water, and I have some pajamas I will get for you,” Nico says as he returns, and I don’t say anything.
“Emelia?” I still don’t answer, and tears start falling down my cheeks. He takes the hint and softly states, “I do love you. Come find me when you’re ready.” He leaves, and I feel a deep ache in my chest as my tears fall rapidly, then soft sobs leave my chest.
How did I end up here? I should have ran. Ran for the hills the second I had the chance. All those years growing up… I should have found a way out.
I get up and step into the bathroom. I undress and get into the pajamas he pulled from the suitcase he must have had the staff pack. I stand in front of the mirror and look at my face, not recognizing the woman looking back at me. She’s lost. Confused. Alone. This is like an episode of some sort of special on how a woman went mad.
I take my clip out, shake my hair loose, then reposition it higher on my head and place it in a messy bun. My face is still makeup free, but there is no mistaking the darkening of the skin surrounding my eyes. I just need rest. I will wake up, and this will all just be a dream. Right?
Stepping back into the bedroom, I expect him to have abandoned his words and come back. But the room is empty, so much so that it cannot only be seen but felt. There is a desolate feeling to the room, and it loses all coziness. The pajamas he gave me consisted of his shirt and my panties. A long-sleeved comfy shirt I lift to my nose and take a long sniff of. It smells like him, and I can’t keep the tears from falling again.
I didn’t want to feel him. I didn’t want to feel anyone or anything when I came in here. I wanted to sleep and forget what would be waiting outside these four walls when I awoke. But now I yearn for him, long for Nico’s touch and his shelter. But if I call him in here now, it will just add to the confusion, and that’s not what I need.
I can’t take it anymore. There isn’t enough of me at the moment to give any part of me to anyone. Including myself. I resist the urge to go in search of him or call out his name. I even remove his shirt and stay in just my panties. His shirt will be just as real as his arms around me in my sleep if I keep it on. I need a clean break from him.
Stepping to the side of the bed that contains my pills and water, I take them and down the entire glass. The moment my head hits that silk-covered pillow, I am taken by much-needed slumber. No dreams come, and no clarity seeps in. Just sleep.