Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 87284 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 436(@200wpm)___ 349(@250wpm)___ 291(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87284 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 436(@200wpm)___ 349(@250wpm)___ 291(@300wpm)
I grinned. Oh yeah, I’d heard of professor Dean Aavik. I’d seen a picture too. There was a reason I’d hoped Macklin would’ve invited me to join their fuckfest. Hot fucking damn.
“They helped her with the younger siblings,” Mack went on. “And it became his goal to make as much money as possible to ease the stress for his mom. And there I was…doing my own thing. Not saying that’s wrong,” he was quick to add. “But he needed support at a time when I was so busy trying to make something of myself.”
I understood what he was saying. But I couldn’t stress this enough, taking two weeks off work was more than most would do.
“It made him bitter,” he admitted. “When we split up, he still held that against me.” Then he chuckled, though without a single trace of humor. “You know the fucked-up part? In all this, in our clusterfuck of a relationship, we still couldn’t keep our hands off each other. That’s how we got married. We were already on the verge of breaking up, and then we flew to Vegas to work shit out. Like, who the fuck flies to Vegas for that reason?” He shook his head. “Two months after we’d walked down the aisle, we were done. And I’ll never have a monogamous relationship again because of him. I’ll never let anyone get so close that I completely lose myself. I had zero control around that man.”
Sounded to me like that part was true to this day, and weirdly enough, I didn’t feel jealous at all. Partly because their marriage wasn’t worth the envy—and partly… Macklin and I had our own arrangement. Our own type of relationship, and that wasn’t solely on him and his past.
I didn’t want to get tied down. I didn’t want anything complicated.
Also, Macklin, for as much as I adored him, wasn’t the love of my life. Not now, not in the future.
That didn’t mean I didn’t love what we had. I really did. And I’d been on edge with Corey yesterday for a reason. I didn’t enjoy feeling like something was brewing without knowing exactly what it was. It unsettled me. I half expected Walker to appear out of thin air at any second.
“I need a drink.” Macklin looked up over the seats, presumably to find the drink cart. Then he glanced back at me. “Unless you wanna share your Xanax.”
I couldn’t help it. I laughed.
“I actually have some if you want,” I chuckled.
“Really?”
I nodded and dug out my wallet. “For my anxiety. There’s a whole pharmacy in here. Let me know if you want Ritalin too—but I don’t know how you’d react to that.” I pinched two pills from the little baggie I kept in my coin pocket. “It’s a low dose. Knock yourself out.”
“Baby, you just earned yourself the title Boyfriend of the Year.” He chased one pill with a swig of water. “We’ll circle back to Ritalin later.”
I smirked. “You’d take that award back if you knew how many questions I have left about Walker.”
He winced and made a face. “Every time he comes up, I fear it’s gonna be the last straw and you’ll end things with me.”
That wasn’t going to happen.
“I care too much about you.” I reached over and kissed him chastely. “That’s why I have questions. He’s clearly not gonna stay in your past, and whatever happened between you back then doesn’t erase the fact that he’s trying to reappear in your life now. Aren’t you curious about why?”
“It doesn’t matter,” he said firmly. “Do you know how much it kills me that a big chunk of me will always belong to him?”
Oh wow. That was honest. He’d always denied that part.
So at least he was painfully aware of the grief I’d seen in his expression earlier.
“I’ve loved men after him, Lane,” he went on. “But it’s never lasted. I’ve had some ugly breakups, some wonderful relationships, but something’s always missing. The difference now is, I accept it and give what I can. And you…” He trailed off and surprised me with a humorless little laugh. His eyes even welled up. “You’ve come to mean more to me than I thought was possible. Which makes me even angrier with him. It’s years later, and he’s still finding ways to fuck with me.”
I was torn between kissing him silly and hugging him and laughing. My sweet, sweet Macklin. I felt genuinely sad for him. I felt his sorrow and his frustration and his defeat.
“I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart.” I cupped his face in my hands and leaned in. “I swear to you. The day Corey introduced us…? Christ.” Mack had been behind the bar at his restaurant. “Your smile lit up my fucking brain.”
It did that now too. His gaze softened with affection and relief, and I kissed him quickly.