Series: Lee Savino
Total pages in book: 66
Estimated words: 63295 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 316(@200wpm)___ 253(@250wpm)___ 211(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 63295 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 316(@200wpm)___ 253(@250wpm)___ 211(@300wpm)
“He likes to pretend he mentored me,” I scoff.
“Yeah, he takes the fatherly thing to a sickening level.”
“The truth is…I believed I was going to save the mountain. I believed it right until last year when it no longer needed saving. And then…”
“It must be hard when your motivation for success falls out from underneath you.”
My eyes inexplicably burn. “Actually…it made me realize it had all been a lie.”
Paloma’s forehead wrinkles in confusion.
Suddenly, I need to get it all out–the source of all my pain. The reason I fled to New York. The real reason, not the one I concocted to justify staying away.
“Teddy doesn’t just hate me because I wanted to develop the mountain. He has deeper reasons.”
Paloma waits again, but I find it hard to speak. She touches my shoulder. “You can tell me. Whatever it is–it’s in the past. I won’t judge.”
I draw in a deep breath and try to explain. “I hit puberty early–really early. We were only seven when I had my first shift, and it was completely out of control. I was terrified. I knew we were bears, but our mom–our bio mom–never shifted. She didn’t like to. She said she couldn’t because we lived in this human trailer park.
“I didn’t know what being a bear really meant. Or what it felt like to shift. One minute, I was seven years old, and the next, I was a scared cub trapped in a tiny trailer home. I had none of my human thoughts. I didn’t know where I was. I didn’t recognize the trailer. I didn’t even know that the human woman and child in the trailer with me were my mom and brother.
“I just had the sense I was in the wrong place, and I needed to get out into the woods. Of course, I didn’t know how to open the door or even what a door was. So I slammed around in the little trailer we lived in, tearing it all to hell trying to get out.
“I hurt my mom in the process. I slashed my claws across her chest and face. I stabbed Teddy. Finally, Teddy opened the door, and I raced out.”
“God, Darius. I can’t imagine how traumatic that was for you.”
“I just remember blind terror. I didn’t know what had happened, or how to shift back to human form. My mom didn’t follow. She could have shifted to give me a mama bear who could help me, but she didn’t. Winnie, our adopted mom, would have. She knew how to raise young bears.”
“Why didn’t she?”
“I don’t know. It was like our real mom was afraid of bears, even though she was one.”
“What happened to you?”
“I ran. I found my way into the woods, and I kept running for three days and nights until I finally collapsed in exhaustion and changed back to my human form.
“It was Winnie who found me–up here on Bad Bear Mountain. She found me and eventually located my mom and brought me back to the trailer. Three days later, our mom dropped us off at Winnie’s house and disappeared forever.”
“What?” Paloma’s eyes are wide with shock. “She abandoned her children?”
I try and fail to swallow past the lump in my throat. “Yeah. Basically. She left a note to Winnie that said she didn’t know how to raise bears.”
“God, that must’ve been confusing and heartbreaking for a little kid.”
It helps to have her name the trauma for me. I internalized the whole event as my bear being out of control. Terrorizing me and my family. Causing wounds that can’t be healed.
That’s what I’m afraid he’ll do with Paloma.
Sometimes I forget that I was just a tiny kid. It’s no wonder I couldn’t handle my bear.
“So maybe Teddy hates me for that–I don’t know. Winnie was patient, but my bear continued to be out of control for years. After high school, he enlisted in the army, and I went to New York. We’ve been on completely different paths ever since.”
I’m looking out the window, so the salty scent of Paloma’s tears takes me by surprise. My head whips back to look at her. Her beautiful brown eyes swim with tears, and she’s wiping more away underneath them.
“Oh fuck.“ I sit up and tug her onto my lap, leaning against me. “Don’t be sad for me.”
“I’m sad for both of us,” Paloma says. “We have both been tragically apart from our siblings for far too long.”
“I don’t know about tragically,” I mutter.
“Yes, the tragedy is you two could’ve worked it out long ago, but you were running from yourself. And you made that self out to be Teddy.”
I stare at Paloma, my heart thundering unnaturally in my chest. If anyone else had said it, I would’ve ignored them. Walked away, like I always do. Suppressed any feelings that caused me pain, just as I suppress my bear.