Total pages in book: 71
Estimated words: 64929 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 325(@200wpm)___ 260(@250wpm)___ 216(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 64929 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 325(@200wpm)___ 260(@250wpm)___ 216(@300wpm)
Tripping over my own feet did nothing to help my desire to look functional. Dr. Sheppard’s expression changed subtly, and his whole demeanor softened. One moment I was looking at someone who could have easily been another professor. The next, it was like something changed, something subtle. I wasn’t sure I could describe it, but it made the tension inside of me fade.
“Have a seat, Adrian. I’m happy you came to talk to me.” He took a chair across from me as I sat down. I couldn’t help but look around the room, which was a warm space that was obviously his office. The large desk and volumes of books gave that away, but the chairs scattered around the room and little touches my mother would have said were “homey,” it made it feel more like a living room than a doctor’s office.
“Um, thank you for seeing me.” There was a short pause, and I was compelled to fill the silence. “I’m researching puppy play for my final project.”
He smiled like he understood and leaned back in his chair. “What do you think of puppy play?”
It wasn’t the question I was expecting him to ask, so it took me a second to process it. I probably should’ve taken longer. “It’s relaxing.”
Yup, should have taken longer. I knew as soon as the words came out of my mouth that my response wasn’t that of someone who was just researching it. There was no way to pull the words back though, so I just prayed he wouldn’t think it was a weird response.
Dr. Sheppard just gave a little half-shrug of acknowledgment and continued on, like I hadn’t said something completely insane, “I can understand that. Many people involved in that lifestyle say very similar things. There are a variety of different preferences and fetishes that all boil down to different ways of being able to relax and turn everything else off.”
I nodded slowly and tried to think of something to say that wouldn’t be blurting out the truth. “I looked at a variety of fetishes and lifestyles before I settled on puppy play.” Dr. Sheppard looked at me like I’d said something interesting. “How did you settle on puppy play for your… project?”
The short pause wasn’t the same confusing, mocking tone Owen used, but it had a similar feel to it.
I wasn’t sure how to respond. “I started looking through lists of topics and browsing through information that was available online, and I found puppy play… interesting.” “Sometimes we’re just drawn to things.” His voice was warm and understanding, and I wasn’t sure what it meant. Did he understand what I was going through? “We don’t always have to know why something pulls at us.”
I nodded slowly again. This wasn’t the way I’d expected the conversation to go. “I’ve been trying to understand it so I can write a better paper.” “Explaining it to people and understanding why we’re drawn to different lifestyles aren’t the same thing though.” Dr. Sheppard cocked his head and waited a moment. When I didn’t respond, he kept going. “If you’re simply trying to write a paper with firsthand examples of individuals in the lifestyle, I have several friends who may be willing to speak with you.”
Friends? He went on before my brain could process what the word implied. “However, if what you’re looking for is a more internal understanding of why you are drawn to the lifestyle, I’m not sure they would be the right people to talk to. Yes, eventually, but not yet.”
It was like I was standing on the edge of a cliff and had to decide whether to jump or head back to safety. How could I ask for people to talk to for my paper or admit it was turning into something else when I’d barely managed to acknowledge it to myself? But with a stranger…
“I…” Nothing else came out. I took a breath and tried again, pretending that I wasn’t glancing at the door to try to see how quickly I could escape. “I tried some of it.” Well, evidently my brain decided what I was going to say all on its own. “How did it feel to you?”
In for a penny, in for a pound. Wasn’t that the way the expression went?
“Weird at first, but the more I thought about it, the more curious I became. And once I finally tried some of it… it wasn’t as weird as I thought it would be. Playing was relaxing.”
“When you give up control to someone else, it can be very freeing. There is nothing to worry about and no pressure on you other than to listen to your dominant or whoever is your handler—”
“Master,” I interrupted before I could even think about holding it in. “I have a master, not a handler.”
And it was out, no taking it back now. I probably should have said that I thought I had a master, but I didn't want him to know how up in the air and confusing it was. He nodded like that made perfect sense. “When your master gives you instructions, it makes life very simple. He or she is taking on the responsibility of caring for you and making the decisions. It can be a very close bond.”