Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 78357 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 392(@200wpm)___ 313(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78357 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 392(@200wpm)___ 313(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
“How do you keep fucking up?”
“I never make time to do it right with a woman. The store always comes first. What kind of family man would I make? A pretty shitty one. I’d end up turning my wife into my mum; essentially leaving her to raise whatever children we have alone.”
I considered this a moment, sorry for the bitter self-recrimination I heard in Reid’s tone. I understood then that he felt he’d failed. In all of his success, in this one aspect of life, he felt he was failing. “Reid, have you ever considered that you just haven’t met the right woman?”
“Emmy doesn’t count, but I’ve been with a lot of good women over the years.”
“Good woman doesn’t equal the right woman.”
“You mean like a soul mate?” he scoffed. “I don’t believe in that, Evan.”
I made a noise of irritation. “I’m not talking about soul mates. I’m talking about the person who feels like they … fit. The person who drives you wild.” Considering how controlled Reid was in everything he did, I asked (and hoped for a negatory answer), “Haven’t you ever been infatuated with a woman?”
“I’ve dated plenty of attractive women.”
“That’s not what I asked.” I chugged back my whisky and leaned over to refill it, trying not to roll my eyes at his cluelessness. “Haven’t you ever met a woman who made you lose your common sense? Who made your skin hot and your blood pump and everything else but kissing her, touching her, ceased to matter?” I blushed a little, imagining being said woman.
Reid tensed, gazing at me speculatively. “Have you ever met a guy who did that for you?”
I thought about Luca and lowered my gaze, feeling the old hurt still after all this time. “Once.”
“Who?” he demanded.
Wondering at his sudden glower and the reason behind it, I took a slow sip at my whisky, knowing my lack of a rush to respond would irritate him. Reid liked everyone to give him the answers to his questions with speed and efficiency.
“Evan?” he leaned toward me. “Who? Does Pat know about this guy?”
“I asked first.”
“What?”
“I asked you first if you’d ever met a woman who made you feel that way.”
“No,” he bit out. “Your turn.”
I shouldn’t have felt pleased by his response, but I really did. In fact, it elated me. So much so, I had to hide my smile in another sip of drink.
“Are you deliberately being irritating?” Reid asked.
I smirked sadly at him. “No. I just … haven’t spoken about it. To anyone.” Not even to my best friend, Cass. She’d asked. But I’d been too raw about the whole thing for a long time. My infatuation with Reid, however, had eased the hurt Luca left behind.
Concern flashed across Reid’s expression. “Did someone hurt you?”
“Emotionally, yes. His name was Luca. He was an Italian studying at Edinburgh. I met him in second year. I’d never met anyone like him. Italians are so affectionate and open and charming and passionate. At least he was. We dated for just over a year. I’m pretty sure you knew that.”
Reid frowned. “I knew you had a boyfriend at uni but no one said anything about him hurting you.”
“Because I told everyone that we broke up because he was going to back to Rome.”
“What really happened?”
“I let myself get wrapped up in him. He’s one of those guys who makes you feel beautiful because he genuinely finds women in all their forms gorgeous. Too much. But the sex was amazing,” I admitted, unable to look at Reid when I said it. “I think I let my hormones ignore all the warning signs. One day I was in the library and this girl came over, sat down beside me and told me that Luca had been cheating on me with her and gotten her pregnant. She thought I should know. And when I confronted him, he didn’t deny it. Told me people weren’t meant to be monogamists.” I finally met Reid’s angry gaze. “I argued that if that was how he felt then he shouldn’t have misled me into believing he loved me and that we were each other’s only one.”
“I’m sorry. He sounds like a fuckwad.”
“Oh, it got worse. I shared a flat with four other girls. My best friends. One of them confessed to me after the fact that she and Luca fucked a couple of times behind my back.”
“Jesus Christ.”
“Yeah.” I took a long swallow of whisky, remembering the betrayal. I coughed a little and wiped at my lips, placing the glass on the table. “There was a part of me terrified I’d never be able to trust people again.”
“And can you?”
“Yes,” I answered firmly. “Two people who don’t understand what loyalty entails will not make me bitter or distrustful. Luca wasn’t the right guy for me. I confused lust for love. I never felt truly comfortable around him. Looking back on it, we never talked about anything serious. Anything real. I think the right person is someone who makes you vibrate with awareness.” I grinned, thinking of how much Reid did that to me. “And distracted as hell. But also be the one person you can trust to talk to about anything. To be comfortable enough with to be who you really are. To say how you really feel. You haven’t met her yet, Reid. It doesn’t mean she’s not out there.”