Total pages in book: 104
Estimated words: 99381 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 497(@200wpm)___ 398(@250wpm)___ 331(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 99381 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 497(@200wpm)___ 398(@250wpm)___ 331(@300wpm)
I step into the hallway and find my brother pacing.
“How long?” he growls. “How long have you been fucking that street rat?”
Slap! The sound is loud and sharp as I smack my brother across the face. “That street rat gave his life for mine.” My hands are fisted in pure rage. “Enough of this bullshit! You do not own me. You do not control me. And you cannot hate the man I love!”
His mouth opens slightly and he frowns as if seeing me for the first time. His jaw begins to grind as I see the shift in my brother, evaluating me in an entirely different light… as if, for the first time he is taking me seriously.
“It’s not fair that you get to have your happily ever after with Posie while you still watch my every move, preventing me from living my life. I’m not a child, and I swear to God, if you try to interfere anymore, I’ll never speak to you again.”
“I don’t care about that. I want you to be safe and with someone who is worthy—”
“Worthy?” I gasp wildly. “No one will ever measure up to your unrealistic expectations. You were the one who always complained about the expectations placed on you, but you forced your own prejudices onto me!”
His eyebrows furrow as he says, “I only ever tried to protect you.”
“Instead, you made me fearful of love. You made me want something I thought I couldn’t have. And when faced with it, I ran because it scared me. He might die because of me, Dutton. I don’t know what further proof you need of a man’s worth.”
Silence fills the hallway, and doctors avoid coming down the corridor. Most likely paid off for their discretion.
“He’s your friend. This has nothing to do with Ford and everything to do with your inability to see me as an adult who doesn’t need or want your protection. Let me make my own decisions. Let me stumble and fall. Let me make mistakes, Dutton. Just please stop because your protection feels like a noose around my neck. No more.”
I see my mother and father round the corner, and they pause at the end of the hall.
“He’s your friend, and he needs you,” I remind him. “He would give his life for yours as much as he would mine. You don’t care where he came from or how he was raised. Because right now, you only care about yourself.”
But how am I any different from my brother? Adrenaline is pumping through my veins, and I want to fight for my love for Ford as much as I don’t feel worthy of it. But deeply rooted amongst all of it is a gripping fear and realization that loving Ford might always be like this. He could die at any moment in his line of work. The deeper I fall for him, the harder it will be to survive. I don’t even know if I can manage now.
Tears well in my eyes, and my brother seems unsure as to what to do. I always blamed Ford for not wanting to give me more, but I just sheltered myself from this kind of love, not realizing how much it would hurt.
I did this.
I hurt Ford.
If this is what love is, maybe I don’t want it because fuck it hurts so much.
I’m blaming everyone else again and yet the reality is, I’m a coward.
Run. Run. Run
I’m not welcome back in that room.
I’m not welcome out here.
I can’t even face my own rollercoaster of emotions, and I know without a doubt I’m about to break down. I refuse to do that in front of anyone else. I don’t want to be a burden on anyone else anymore.
It just hurts so much.
I shove past him, his mouth opening and closing in shock.
“Billie,” my mother calls out. She tries to grab me, but I shake my head at her, the walls crashing in around me as I try not to hyperventilate.
The one place I want to be is by Ford’s side. But how can I face him? How can I love him when this hurts so much? Because love is not guaranteed. And Ford risks his life every day. I can’t do this again. I can’t be crippled by this fear of losing him.
So I do the only thing I know that’s best for both of us.
I run.
I know even that’s a lie. I’m only trying to protect myself.
But if I don’t, I’ll break under the pressure. Maybe I really am just the princess everyone has described me as.
Maybe I’m not as ready as I thought.
Love isn’t a fairytale.
CHAPTER 44
Ford
Ihave a pounding fucking headache, and something’s crushing my hand. Slowly, I peel my eyes open and look to my right. My brother is leaning against the wall, his arms folded, and it looks like he’s sleeping. I turn my head to the left, where I find my mother, her hand crushing mine as she stares at me like she’s willing away the grim reaper himself. My father stands behind her, massaging her shoulders.