Total pages in book: 104
Estimated words: 99381 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 497(@200wpm)___ 398(@250wpm)___ 331(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 99381 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 497(@200wpm)___ 398(@250wpm)___ 331(@300wpm)
I have no self-control around him.
I’d become cocky over the last month, thinking I could deny myself what I know he has to offer.
I feel weak.
Careless.
And like this thing between us has taken on a life of its own.
My brother takes a seat, then grabs a slice of cake and takes a bite. He turns and looks at me just as Ford comes through the door.
“Jewel made it,” Eli says, and Dutton raises a brow at me.
“You made this. It’s Mom’s recipe.” Dutton states the obvious. Everyone’s attention turns to me, and I look at Jewel, who is sitting there chewing her lip.
It’s ridiculous how I’ve become addicted to lying lately.
“Nope, I helped. That’s all,” I chirp.
Ford takes the seat opposite me. He’s furious, I can tell. He doesn’t even glance at me as he picks up his phone and ignores the conversation around him. Just as I think how rude he’s being, my phone lights up, and I see that he’s texted me yet again.
I lean into the conversation circulating the room, trying to ignore my phone. It’s distracting every time it lights up. I know it’s him. I can also feel him looking in my direction every time I speak. I’m so hyperaware of everything he does.
“He can know.”
Ford said it, but I immediately denied anything happening between us. And as much as I’ve hated on him these last few months, I realize he has a point. He’s been my dirty little secret. I always thought it was because I was too scared of how my brother would react, but Ford’s been willing to hit that head-on. I’ve just been too scared to give my heart over to him entirely.
I’m a fucking coward.
But sometimes, we run away from the precise thing that we’ve been asking for.
After sitting in the tension and self-flagellation for another thirty minutes, I decide to take my leave. Ivy says she’s going to stay, most likely because she’s four drinks in with Jewel, but I’m not exactly feeling social tonight.
I make up an excuse that I have some work to finish and say my goodbyes. Jewel follows me out.
“Thank you for helping today. I know no one believes I baked any of that stuff, but it’s the thought that counts, right?” she says with a shrug. I like that she makes these excuses up so that everyone can come and spend time together. My understanding is she doesn’t really have any family of her own, and I’m glad she’s starting to accept that she’s now part of ours. I never thought Eli would find love, but I’m glad he has it.
I give her a hug, surprised when she pulls me in tighter. “Your secret is safe with me. But if you two continue to do that, the others will find out. You were sloppy today.” My heart stalls at that because I know exactly what she’s talking about, and part of me wonders if she’s always known.
Does everyone know? Are we that bad at keeping it a secret?
But it’s only me who still wants to keep it that way.
“Thank you,” I whisper as my stomach drops to the floor, truly considering if it would be so bad if my brother found out. But my heart squeezes, terrified by how he’ll react because I don’t want him to hurt the only man I’ve ever loved.
CHAPTER 38
Ford
Eli tries to stop me on my way out, but I push past him. I need to know why she’s still ignoring me. She tells me she wants more from me, and the moment I try to give it to her, she shoves me away. She’s as much of a fucked-up contradiction as I am.
I manage to catch her before she gets into the cab, and I slip my arms around her waist, pulling her backward.
“What are you doing?” she squeaks, trying to wriggle free of my grip. She’s probably concerned that Dutton might see us, but I’m over caring who finds out. I’m over living for only them. If I ask for anything in this lifetime, it will be for her. Consequences be damned.
Even if her brother kills me for it, I want to know that she chose me, too.
And then I’ll simply haunt her for all of eternity.
I hold on to her tightly because if the only way I’ll keep her is by catching her, then we can play this game over and over again. “Come back to mine. I want you to do something for me,” I whisper into her ear.
“Ford, what if they see us!” she argues.
“I don’t care who sees us. I only agreed to keep us a secret to protect you.” Her body stills under my grip. “Stop running away.”
Something in that statement strikes her because she looks over her shoulder at me, her eyes wide and frightened. She’s scared. I let her go immediately. Is she scared of us? What could be us?