Total pages in book: 99
Estimated words: 92843 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 464(@200wpm)___ 371(@250wpm)___ 309(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92843 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 464(@200wpm)___ 371(@250wpm)___ 309(@300wpm)
The nurse had told me to get some rest before they took me down to see them, but I couldn’t sleep. I wanted to see their faces and make sure they were really here, and I wanted so badly to hold them.
I don’t know if I honestly hadn’t realized I was pregnant at the beginning, or if I’d just buried my head in the sand. The day I added up how late my period was, and had stopped using excuses like stress for its non-appearance, I’d done a test and sat staring at the stick for hours.
It seemed like the bump popped out overnight, but I knew that I was keeping the baby within the first ten seconds. There was no doubt in my mind about it. Babies were a gift, and I loved mine the second I knew it was growing inside me.
After that, I knew I needed to be at home where my family was, so I’d moved quickly, needing my dad and Hunter. Breaking the news to them wasn’t as bad as I’d thought it would be, and when I’d found out it was twins, I felt like I’d been given an even bigger gift.
At night I’d tell them all about their dad and what he was like—leaving out certain things, like the fact he was a cheating asshole, obviously. And then I’d fall asleep thinking about what it would be like if things hadn’t turned out the way they had.
It would’ve been a happy way to fall asleep every night, if the reality of my situation hadn’t been hell.
I’d spent eight months with them inside me, feeling them kick and move as I spoke to them, but I’d never seen them for a second of their five hours outside of me. And it was killing me.
Pressing the button on the thing the nurse had given me, I waited, feeling the anxiety building up inside me.
That’s why, when the door opened, I didn’t even give her the chance to talk first. “I need to go and see them.”
“Penelope, I spoke to the doctor who’d like you to just hold off on moving for a little while longer. You’ve had a lot happen today, and you need to—”
I was already shaking my head and trying to get up without screaming by the time she said the word longer.
“Please! Today has been the worst and the best day of my life,” I told her, looking down at the name tag for a reminder of her name. She’d been the only person I’d seen since I came round properly, but I was too focused on my sons to remember something as simple as a name.
Feeling the tears falling, I tried to stop my stomach from tensing with the need to cry harder. “Brenda, I— I landed on them today. Can you imagine that? Something exploding behind you, and what cushioned your fall were your babies?”
I knew she got it, but apparently not enough. “I’m really sorry, honey, but you can’t get up. You still have a catheter in—” I did? “—and the doctor’s concerned about how much your wound was still bleeding when he checked you over in recovery. Give it a couple of hours until we check you over again, and then I’ll take you. I promise.”
I wasn’t an emotional person, but right now, I couldn’t stop the tears. It was like every emotion felt a thousand times bigger than before, and I couldn’t control it.
“I can’t calm down,” I whimpered, covering my face with my hands. Every breath in felt like I was being stabbed in the stomach, too, and crying made it worse. “What’s happening to me?”
I felt her walk up beside me, and then she was pulling the blankets back up. “It’s hormones, Penny,” she said softly.
“Sometimes it’s called the baby blues, but your hormones are all out of whack. You’re probably suffering from shock as well, and you’ve got to be exhausted. I know the stress of not seeing them is making you feel like it’s hard to breathe, but I promise you they’re okay, and you’ll be able to see them for yourself soon.”
I’d read about the baby blues in the parenting book I’d bought the day after I found out I was pregnant. Some women had it even worse with full-blown postnatal depression, and that scared the shit out of me.
“Your muscles have to be hurting after what you went through, too. So if we add that onto the badass incision you had, and everything else your body went through when we were getting the babies out, it’s got to be painful. Sleep heals, Penny, and then once you’re rested and we’re sure it’s safe, you’ll see your beautiful boys.”
She made it sound so simple, but I’d carried them under my heart for so long, that it felt like part of me was missing.