Total pages in book: 60
Estimated words: 57184 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 286(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 57184 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 286(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
Five months later.
“You’re coming along very nicely, Lake. Four more weeks, and we can put a fork in it.”
I try not to wince at my ob-gyn, Dr. Francis. His words remind me of the time Tiago fed me a baby snail fetus from a dead Snail woman. The thought still makes me gag.
“And no change on the birth plan, correct?” he asks.
“Nope. Still planning to come here.” It’s over an hour’s drive to Oil City, but I figure once I go into labor, I’ll have plenty of time to get here.
“You need a backup plan, Lake. Not all babies like to wait. When they’re ready, they’re ready.”
I wish I were ready. It’s been eight months since I came home, and I still feel like this is all a dream. None of it is real. Maybe because I’m afraid of getting attached to all this—my baby, my beautiful forest, the tranquility of a world without monsters. I feel like I’m going to wake up one morning, living in Monsterland again, fighting for my life.
I give Dr. Francis’s words some thought. If there was ever a baby full of surprises, it would be this one. Right? “Sure. Okay. Give me the list.” He’s mentioned several urgent care centers closer to home. They’re not much, but they can at least deliver a baby and give it oxygen if needed. The staff is trained in emergency C-sections, too.
He pats my shoulder. “I’ll be right back. You can get dressed now.” He’s about to leave, but then stops. “Oh, I hope you don’t mind, but we have a pool going. Will she be Rain, Storm, Snow, or River?”
My stomach dips and then rolls.
I didn’t want to know if it was a girl or boy. Dr. Francis knows that. Not because I’m one of those people who thinks the surprise is just “so fun!” But because I wanted it to be a boy so badly. I want it to be a little Gabrio. He deserved that after what he did for me. I wanted it so much that I was afraid I wouldn’t love this child if she was a girl. I figured my only hope of loving her was looking into her eyes when she’s born and forgetting everything else.
I look down at the floor, feeling like the rug’s been pulled out from under me.
“I just made a very big mistake, didn’t I?” Dr. Francis shakes his head, berating himself. “I’m very sorry. I forgot you wanted it to be a surprise.”
“It’s fine,” I say through gritted teeth.
“The nurse asked me if I knew because we started a little pool. We all know you Norfolk women have a set of names and—I’m really sorry. Please forgive me. I just don’t know how it slipped my mind.”
“It’s okay,” I say, but it’s not. I don’t want to be here anymore. I want to go home and try to process what I’m feeling, which isn’t good. I feel like I’ve somehow erased Gabrio. It’s not true, but that’s how I feel.
“Please accept my apologies. Be right back with that list.” He leaves and closes the door behind him. I slide off the gown and begin the tiring task of putting my underwear back on. Then comes my floral tent.
A girl. A girl like me. I wasn’t prepared for this. I thought for sure it would be a boy. But how do I prepare a girl for what’s coming? The violence. The hungry creatures. I realize I wanted a boy because maybe he’d have a better chance of surviving in the world that’s waiting for us. But maybe that’s all wrong, a weird bias in my head. I’m still here, aren’t I?
I slide my fat, swollen cankled feet into my flip-flops. It’s winter now, but that’s not why I’m shaking. I need to rethink everything.
Why the fuck did he tell me? I had a plan! I had this worked out.
“All right, Lake.” Dr. Francis enters the room with a sheet of paper in his hands. “Here’s the list of places you can go in case there’s an emergency or…”
His eyes lock on my stomach, horror written on his face—wide eyes, gaping mouth.
I look down. It’s flat. My arms are skinny, not plump. My feet are normal.
She’s gone! She’s gone. My heart feels like it’s cracking. I instantly regret everything I just thought about being disappointed.
“Oh no.” Something’s changed. Something happened. I have to get to the wall and see Alwar. I need to get her back.
I shove past Dr. Francis and leave the exam room. I don’t stop running until I get to my truck. I drive the entire way home, white-knuckling the steering wheel.
Meanwhile, I can’t look down. I can’t stand the thought of my baby being gone. I turn right at the mailbox and drive down our long bumpy dirt road. My heart’s racing.