Total pages in book: 61
Estimated words: 60309 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 302(@200wpm)___ 241(@250wpm)___ 201(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 60309 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 302(@200wpm)___ 241(@250wpm)___ 201(@300wpm)
Tom shares his mischievous grin. “He speaks the truth.”
I wish I could also share in their grins, in the wild notion that I could run away and join the FanCon tour without my parents knowing, and maybe I could. Maybe I could link up with the tour bus and surprise everyone there.
That’s an idea.
It lifts my shoulders, but my frown deepens, knowing what I want to run away from. What’s here.
Their smiles are gone.
Tom’s concerned gaze heavies on me. “What’s eating at you, Luna with No Middle Name?”
I shove my sleeves up my arms, getting hot. “This whole winter break has been…out of the ordinary. Usually, I’m down for that kind of stuff, but I feel like I’ve been fucking up every time I have a choice to make. Like the universe has provided me Option A and Option B and I always choose the wrong one.”
“Is this because of Caden?” Eliot asks, his blue eyes steeling all of a sudden.
That name twists my stomach.
Caden Moss.
The guy who took my virginity.
Or did I give it away? I’d like to think I delivered it to him. As one does when they really want to have sex. And I wanted it. Even in the backseat of his car, it was a decent time. He made me come at least, and I heard that’s difficult to do for your first time.
It happened the last day of school before winter break. Not too long ago, but long enough to have a late period and go in total panic mode.
I lean further away from the fire. “Partly.” I frown more. “I mean, there is something I have to tell you guys.”
Eliot and Tom exchange a strange look with one another. One that puts me on edge. An ember bursts in the air, and I try not to take that as an omen. I think Kinney would.
“We actually have something to tell you, too.” Tom takes off his beanie and ruffles his hair. Pieces fall towards his eyebrows.
Eliot offers me the blunt again, and I shake my head.
Now I’m worried the weed is going to make me paranoid.
Tom speaks. “Caden is an asshat.”
“A worm,” Eliot decrees.
That worm was inside me.
“With a two-inch dick,” Eliot further adds.
“His dick was bigger than two-inches,” I tell them.
“God is unjust,” Eliot says.
I look between them. “I told you guys that he was cool with me. He actually made sure I came before he did. And he knew we were just having sex. No strings attached.” I couldn’t think of a better first time. It was chill, uncomplicated. Exactly what I wanted.
Eliot snubs the blunt on a large rock next to him. “He’s been wagging his tongue.”
My stomach sinks.
Wagging his tongue. Whenever Eliot says those words, it means nothing good. My thoughts spiral right out of my mouth, “Is he like detailing the details of everything?” Detailing the details? I can’t even form eloquent words. I’m sweating. Is this fire suddenly raging hot?
I pull off my hoodie over my head. Now in just a cropped tee, the December wind hits my skin, but I barely feel the cold.
Tom looks sympathetic. “As far as we know, he’s not going into graphic detail. He’s just saying some pretty shitty things.”
“About me,” I conclude.
Tom sighs hard, his face in a grimace. “I hate him.”
“I loathe him.” Eliot glares at the fire. “We debated whether we should tell you.” His gaze draws to me. “Our intention isn’t to hurt you with this news, and messengers are always the ones brandishing the swords—but if it came from someone at school before us…”
“I’m glad you’re telling me,” I say, a knot forming in my throat. To be the butt of a joke—I’m used to that. I’m used to all the rumors. I’m used to bad things happening to me.
I should be resigned to whatever news they have to share, but I guess this isn’t exactly the same-old, same-old.
Before, people could create tall tales about me and sex. But my virginity—the truth I held—was a barrier they couldn’t puncture. Now, I’m not a virgin anymore.
So does it make what they’re saying about me more true? What even are they saying?
Tom tosses a twig into the fire, and I watch the flames eat it.
I swallow hard. “So what’s the shitty thing he said?”
Tom’s nose flares, and he tosses another twig into the fire, this time more forcefully. His eyes flick to Eliot.
Eliot says, “He’s calling you a slut.” He pauses then adds, “He’s saying you’re like your mom.”
A sex addict.
I’ve heard this before, but this time, it feels different. Am I a sex addict? Would Caden be able to tell if I’m addicted or have addictive tendencies towards sex? Just with one time?
He can’t know that about me before I know myself.
Right?
“You can’t tell if you’re a sex addict if you’ve only had sex once,” I tell my best friends. “Right?”