Total pages in book: 6
Estimated words: 6007 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 30(@200wpm)___ 24(@250wpm)___ 20(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 6007 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 30(@200wpm)___ 24(@250wpm)___ 20(@300wpm)
“Huh?” Chase asked.
Tex grinned and pointed ahead. “They look like men who would enjoy a nice naked—“
“—DO NOT…” Dante, who we’d caught up to, covered his ears. “…finish that sentence.”
“Ah, the younger ones,” Phoenix said, sharing a smile with Andrei.
I waited until Luca and Frank were right in front of me. I didn’t break down, and I didn’t do anything other than stare straight ahead.
Toward the middle of the forest.
Her tree.
“I think I need to go alone this time. Can you guys just give me five minutes?” I didn’t dare look at any of them because I was afraid I’d burst into tears and collapse in the snow in front of everyone. I hadn’t done that since that morning, just allowed myself to be vulnerable and scream at the world while knowing that beauty happened in all phases of life, in all areas, even in darkness and pain, beauty could co-exist.
I took a deep breath, followed by another.
“Go,” Luca finally said. “We’ll meet you in a few minutes.”
I didn’t answer. I just stared straight ahead at the prettiest tree in the lot. My boots crunched against the snow. I passed gorgeous trees, full of life, that had everything going for them… that people would probably pay hundreds for.
I touched them with my black leather gloved hands as I walked, and when it felt too cold, too empty and isolated, I let the cold hit me and make me feel alive.
Maybe because a part of me was breathing and existing for her too.
The closer I got, the darker it felt. I’d purposefully told Luca and Frank not to put lights on her tree. It felt wrong to add artificial lights to something that, in my mind, would always shine on its own.
As it got darker, I got warmer.
Finally, I stopped in front of the tree and unwrapped the scarf around my neck—a gift from my wife.
She knit in it, Two Twirls.
It was our first anniversary after getting married, and my wife’s gift to me was the memory of another. I wondered if that’s how you know you’ve found a soul mate… when they fully understand that it’s okay to love more than one person and have them in your soul for eternity. You see, you don’t ever forget that love, you just make room for more—the heart has incredible abilities.
Mine held two.
A memory of one.
The life of another.
Two souls.
One heart.
With shaking hands, I wrapped the scarf around the tree. I had to kneel down to do it, after all, the rest of the trees had been here a long time. We’d planted them after her death, it had been my idea to make a star.
But something had always been missing, and I realized what was missing last year as I did my yearly Christmas walk through the trees. It was Andi.
She was somehow still missing.
So we planted a new tree.
It was smaller than the others but no less powerful and beautiful.
It stood around a foot tall and had a dusting of fresh snow on it. It lacked any sort of decorations or Christmas lights, and yet if I had to pick one tree out of the entire lot.
It would be this one. Because a small tree by itself in the cold without anything—seemed so very brave, just like Andi.
“You’re beautiful,” I said after wrapping the scarf around the tree. I stayed on my knees, touched the pine needles, and smiled. “And very small, but you always were short.” The needles were sharp. “Looks about right, little tree. I hope one day, when you grow big enough, that you’ll remember you don’t have to be anything but yourself, that you’re good enough as a tiny tree, good enough as a huge tree. I hope you live, even if it’s not the way either of us wanted. Live.”
Tears started to stream down my cheeks, but I didn’t brush them away. I let them hit the snow by the base of the tree, and minutes later when I heard the crunch of footsteps as the men behind me came over. I looked up.
It had started to snow.
CHAPTER FOUR
Val
It was snowing. My girls were napping.
I smiled and took a sip of my hot tea; it burned down my throat in a good way, making me warm and comforted.
I loved the way the chaos surrounded me. It wouldn’t last long; I wasn’t dumb. Suddenly someone shouted, “SNOW!” and started running outside without shoes.
Probably one of Chase’s kids, let’s be honest.
Or maybe even Serena. She was a wild one.
Junior started running too, and then it was absolute madness as everyone in the kitchen suddenly left; even the moms were running out there to make sure nobody decided it would be a good idea to forget gloves and jackets.
“You coming?” Trace stopped at the door to the backyard. I could tell by her face that she knew my answer would be no. She simply nodded her head and said, “Merry Christmas, Val. He loves you. I hope you always remember that. No matter who had him first, you have him now. You’re his soul.”