Total pages in book: 143
Estimated words: 130275 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 130275 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
“Good,” Leo said, and I didn’t open my eyes but wondered if he was talking directly to me.
“Another aspect that can be difficult,” Mia said gently as she reminded us to keep breathing, “is for those who were there at the time of their loved one’s death. Or shortly in the aftermath. Those memories can be disabling. They—”
A loud crash made me snap my eyes open, only to see Cael darting from the room. He had overturned a side table, the water it was holding spilled on the floor. I heard the front door slam, and silence engulfed the room.
Leo and Mia made no move to clean up the water. “Should we go after him?” Travis asked, concern clear on his face.
“We’ll give him time to calm down,” Mia said. “This will be hard for you all,” she added. “You will feel every emotion possible. The stages of grief are not linear. They are cyclical. Anger, denial, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. They don’t have to follow a particular order. You may not experience them all. And for some, one of the stages will have the biggest hold. You may experience all five, then begin them all over again.”
“Grief,” Leo said, “is a lifelong emotion. People who are forty years into their loss will still experience moments where they are utterly undone. What we aim to do on this trip is help you cope. I’m afraid grief is incurable. But we can learn to live with it. We can learn to find happiness again. To smile and laugh. And there will come a time where memories of our loved ones are more positive than negative. Where we will be able to talk of them again with happiness, not sadness, and remember the good times.” He gave a wan smile. “That may feel a ways off right now. But it’s achievable. We must let you all get there at your own pace and express your pain in whichever way you need to.”
“There are no rights or wrongs here,” Mia said.
“Now, let’s try that again,” Leo said, and he continued the class.
An hour passed and we were given free time. I grabbed the paperback I was reading and headed outside. It was a crisp, freezing day, but the sun was shining and the lake was glass still.
I bundled myself up in my coat, hat, and scarf. I heard the sound of voices coming from the living room but wanted some time alone. I walked around the back of the house, heading for the ledge that I had come to like reading on, when I heard wood scraping on the ground.
As I cut through the tree line to the lake’s shore, I saw Cael untying one of the rowing boats from its tether. He hadn’t come back inside since he’d left the group session. I knew Mia and Leo had checked on him. But I’d been … worried. Yes. I’d been worried for him. Maybe a part of me had wanted to come outside and read, just to make sure he was okay. He had been there for me a couple of times now. I wanted to return the favor.
Cael was dressed in his black coat and beanie, his messy hair escaping under the hem. His face was flushed, and his body was tense.
I stepped farther forward, and Cael’s head whipped up. His jaw clenched as he watched me stand here, but he continued untying the boat.
“What?” he growled, barely looking at me.
“Are you okay?” I asked, heart in my throat. I hated seeing him this way. Seeing anyone this way. Drowning in such obvious pain.
Cael yanked the boat free and tossed the tether to the shore. His boots were in the lake, the water shallow and not yet wetting his jeans. I didn’t think he was going to answer me, until he said, “You coming?”
I reared my head back in shock and stared at the boat. He was asking me to go with him? It was a traditional wooden rowing boat. Two oars attached on either side. I stared at the boat like it was an open flame. I opened my mouth, not knowing what to say, yet found myself uttering, “I … I’m not sure we’re supposed to use them.”
A disbelieving, almost cruel laugh fell from Cael’s mouth before it was swallowed by a severe look of ire … and maybe a hint of despondence. “Just when I thought you might be different …” He shook his head, face reddening. “Of course you’re not. Why would anyone here be able to understand—” His clogged throat seemed to steal his words before he leveled me with a look so laced with disappointment it physically hurt me. “Just go back to the others inside.”
I watched the water cover his legs up to his knees as he trudged the boat out to a deeper part of the lake. He went to jump into the boat, when I found myself saying, “Wait!”