Total pages in book: 143
Estimated words: 130275 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 130275 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
Dad’s voice hitched and he said, “We’re proud of you, Cael. So proud.” He paused, then said. “We’ll see you at the airport. Have Leo send us the flight information. We’re here for you, son. We’re going to get you through this.”
“Okay,” I said and just stayed on the line for a little longer, just taking comfort in having my parents supporting me through the phone.
A couple of hours later, when we were waiting at the flight’s gate, and I felt numbed by pain, my phone rang. My heart twisted when I saw it was Savannah. I ran my hand over the picture on my phone that was assigned to her face, and fought to not splinter apart.
“Peaches,” I answered, my throat thick with guilt.
“You broke our pact!” she said, her sadness slicing through the phone. “You promised me you’d tell me everything. You didn’t even say goodbye!” Savannah broke into tears, and I couldn’t stand the sound of her breaking, breaking because of me.
I moved to the corner of the gate’s lounge for privacy and let my own tears begin to fall. “Leo was worried about me. He needed me to leave for more help.” I shook my head, trying to find the words to explain. “I couldn’t do it, Savannah. I couldn’t say goodbye to you. I’m breaking apart, baby. I’m not healing like I should be. I had to go—”
“That’s not fair,” she said, interrupting me, sobs racking her chest. “I would have supported you. But you should have said goodbye to me. Held me one last time. Let me kiss you and make sure you were okay. You’ve hurt me. You—”
“I WOULDN’T HAVE LEFT!” I found myself shouting, louder than I’d meant to, my wrought emotions rising to the surface and taking me over. I glanced behind me and saw several faces watching me. Leo included.
I pressed my forehead to the window and stared at the lights of the planes that were readying for takeoff. I calmed and felt the beat of my heart pounding in my chest. “If I’d seen you to say goodbye, Sav,” I whispered over the torturous sound of her crying, “I wouldn’t have been able to leave you.” I swallowed and knew then that Leo had been right. Even now I was fighting running from the airport and back to the comfort of where she was. “And I have to.” A sob ripped from my throat as I said, “I’m … I’m broken, Peaches. So fucking broken that I have to get help before it destroys me.” My voice was barely audible. I felt exhausted. I was so tired of fighting.
Savannah was crying harder and harder into the phone. It shattered me. But it had to be this way. I knew it did. Deep down, I knew she did too.
I wiped tears from my cheeks and said, “I want a life with you, Savannah. I want to meet you in Harvard in the fall, stronger and able to function. I want us to have a chance—I need us to. You’re the one thing that is keeping me going. But saying goodbye to you … I’m not strong enough to endure that, Peaches. I can never say goodbye to the love of my life.” Savannah’s breathing was labored from so much crying, but she was listening to me. “I love you,” I hushed out. “Please believe me. I love you so much. You’re my everything.”
“Cael,” Savannah said, her voice cracking. “I love you too. I love you … so much. I’m so sorry I shouted at you. I’m just … I’m going to miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too,” I said, still feeling broken and like my heart was being split open. “I’m going into a residential program, so I don’t know how much I’ll be able to talk. But I’ll call and text you every chance I get. I’ll need you to help get me through.”
“I’m so proud of you,” Savannah said quietly, and it eased some of the pain threatening to take me down. “And I’ll think of you every day.”
“Harvard,” I said, throat tight but speaking that goal out loud. “We’ll meet again at Harvard.”
“Harvard,” she echoed, and a sense of peace settled over me. “I’ll be counting down the days.”
Leo tapped me on my shoulder, and I saw the plane was boarding. “I have to go,” I said. I didn’t want to get off the phone.
“I love you,” she said. “Let me know you land safely.”
“I love you too,” I said, and it took everything I had to end that call. But I kept Savannah’s face in my mind and her love in my heart and knew that they were strong enough to carry me through.
* * *
After a day of traveling, I landed at JFK. It was strange to see America’s skies again. All I could think of was what Savannah was doing right then. They were traveling home today. But she would be in Georgia, and I would be in therapy.