Total pages in book: 143
Estimated words: 130275 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 130275 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
Savannah, being your sister has been a blessing. And even though I’m no longer on this Earth, I will always be your big sister. Talk to me often. I will hear you. I have loved every moment of growing up beside you. My sister. My best friend. You are a part of me, just as I am a part of you. That can never be extinguished.
That can never die.
I must go now. I am becoming too tired. But remember, I love you more than all the stars in the sky.
All my love forever,
Your very proud big sister,
Poppy
I couldn’t see the final sentence for the tears pouring from my eyes. Cael’s chest was moving up and down in fast motions, and I knew he had read it too. I turned into him and wrapped my arms around his neck. I buried my face into the crook of his shoulder, and I broke. I released four years of pent-up grief against the boy I loved more than life. Cael’s hand threaded into my hair and held me to him. Cael cried with me; he cried for me. He cried for Poppy, and I knew he cried for Cillian, the big brother who loved him so much but left him exposed and without a true goodbye.
Maybe, I thought, Poppy’s goodbye could be from Cillian too. Because I knew Cael’s brother loved him just as much as Poppy loved me.
“She loved you,” Cael said into my hair. “She loved you so much.”
And I couldn’t feel sad about that. Because it was true. To have been loved that hard changed everything. I may have lost my older sister, and I would miss her every day, but she had loved me. I had felt her love, and I still felt her love swirling in the very air around me. In the trees and in the earth, in the wind and especially in the stars.
Love didn’t die; it was eternal. It was a tattoo on our souls. A gift that even death could not take away. If you have been loved, even if you have lost, that love will never leave. It will fill your heart and patch over the holes that grief leaves behind.
We just must hold on to it when all seems impossible.
“I love you,” I said to Cael. I needed him to know that. I needed that love to patch the holes in his heart when we had to leave each other after this trip.
“I love you too,” he said, and I felt the truth of that down to my bones.
“We need to make a pact.” I said, and Cael studied my face. “We need to promise to always be honest with one another. To share our hopes and dreams, but also our fears and trepidations.” I put my hand on his face. “If life has taught us anything, it’s that there are ups and down but also joyous and precious moments.” Cael’s eyes dropped. I pressed my forehead to his. “We must tell each other everything … even if it hurts. That is true love, Cael. That is putting your trust onto someone completely.”
Cael searched my eyes, then whispered, “Leo has offered me extra help. When I return home, he wants me to go into a residential facility that will dig deeper and aid me in coping with everything.” Cael sighed—he was weary. “And I think he’s right.” His arms were iron-strong around me, as if I would blow away if he didn’t hold on. “It was seeing it … seeing Cillian do it …” he trailed off.
“Cael,” I hushed out, heartbroken for the boy I loved. “You should have told me.”
His body sagged with exhaustion. “I suppose I didn’t want to admit it. Didn’t want to worry you. But …”
“But?” I questioned, praying I wasn’t pushing him too hard.
“But he’s right,” he confessed, and in that moment, I was so proud of him. Cael had fought this trip, fought much of the talking therapies. But I realized he had given as much of himself as he could. But he needed to keep going. To be stronger, he had more of the path to walk.
“Thank you for telling me,” I said and kissed his trembling lips.
“Thank you for loving me,” Cael said softly against my lips, which wanted nothing more than to have him pressed to them. Cael may not have thought of himself as lovable or worthy. But in my eyes, he was exalted.
“We will get through this,” I promised. Because I believed in him, and believed that, together, we could face anything.
Cael held me and I held him in the echo of Poppy’s goodbye and his confession. When our tears were dry and only exhaustion remained, we looked up, watching the stars. And I smiled. Because I knew Poppy was up there. These days, that was as comforting as having her arms around me.