Total pages in book: 99
Estimated words: 94094 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 470(@200wpm)___ 376(@250wpm)___ 314(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 94094 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 470(@200wpm)___ 376(@250wpm)___ 314(@300wpm)
Now I understand. The time that I had no contact and no way to know what was going on with her. That brief moment when something changed that I didn’t have an eye on.
Now, I can see the reason behind the hatred that has flashed in her eyes. I left when she needed me most. When our child needed me to be there.
How the fuck can I ever fix this?
Chapter 13
Numb
Chloe
Before that call, I may have found it in me to feel sorry for the man who fell to his knees before me. After that call… I’m just numb. I have no feelings, no thoughts, nothing.
I just want to leave. Gregor sat sobbing on the floor for… I don’t know how long. I’ve never seen a grown man cry so hard. I sat on the plush carpet staring at him, unfeeling. I could only watch.
At some point, he stood, turned his back, doing what he does best. He walked out. I’m not hurt. I’m not angry.
I’m just aware of the fact that some time ago he left and hasn’t been back since. I’ve been sitting here on the floor in the same spot. I haven’t moved once. I don’t know how much time has passed. I don’t know when he will return to send me home.
I’m numb.
Tears won’t come. I can’t move. I’m just waiting to go home.
* * *
Gregor
It killed me to have to get up and walk out of that room. I was torn between knowing where I needed to be and knowing where I was expected to be. In the end, I went with expectations.
Staying where I needed to be would get me nowhere. Chloe and I are walking a burning bridge. I loathe myself for what I’ve done.
I can’t number or name the number of times I’ve watched my daughter playing while envisioning Chloe as her mother. It has always been a subtle burn that my daughter is named after the woman I love. Although, I once thought my little girl would be the only ray of sunlight I would ever have again.
I’ve warred with myself for two years about having a child that doesn’t belong to the woman I belong to. What guts me is the fact that I don’t remember the night my daughter was conceived.
I had put distance between myself and Addison. It was time to. I saw the signs.
It was coming. Her public display at my company party was just the final straw. Which is how I missed this.
I didn’t see that the mother of my child was sick. I had no clue. When I come to Dubai, it’s to see my daughter, not her mother.
In my fury, I asked Addison to give me space when I came for visits. Yes, Addison lives in my home here in Dubai. She takes care of my daughter. As long as my little girl is involved, I make sure that both she and Addison have the best.
However, when I’m here, Addison stays on her side of the house, and I stay on mine. Missing the fact that Addison has been dying hasn’t been hard to do at all.
I walk into her hospital room, still reeling from what the doctors have told me. They were waiting for me to fill me in on it all. Her cancer has been in stage four for a year now. She was sick during the pregnancy. It’s only been progressing.
“You’re here.” Her voice comes out so weak, I barely make it out.
“Why did you keep this from me?”
I have a hard time keeping the bitterness out of my voice. I’m so angry, I can’t see straight. She’s been battling cancer all this time and never said a word. I will never understand her.
She licks her dry lips. “I thought I could beat it,” she says hoarsely. “For her, I thought I could.”
“They said you should never have gone through with the pregnancy… that you denied treatment to have her,” I say tightly.
“She was my hope. I wasn’t going to let her go,” she replies.
“Hope for what? For us? Please tell me you didn’t do this because of me,” I say.
“I knew you would be angry.” She smiles but starts to cough. I reach for the water on the tray and hold the straw up to her lips. She takes a small sip and continues.
“At first, yes, I had hope for us. I never wanted to admit the hold someone else had on you. I thought… with time you would see… but I was wrong.
“After I saw how much finding out I was pregnant pushed you away, she became my hope.” She starts to cough again.
I lift the straw for her to take another sip. I’m filled with so much rage. I still question how this happened. I’ve never gone without protection with any woman other than Chloe. For the life of me, I still can’t remember that night.