Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 83586 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 418(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83586 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 418(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
I was pretty sure I’d just lost my family, and while they were clearly in the wrong, that hurt like hell. I didn’t know if it was something I could deal with.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Sutton
This one time, a few years back, a friend of Jasper’s dad brought over his wood chipper. He cut down trees for a living, and we had some on the property that had to go. We’d fell them and cut them up before they’d gone into that chipper, the herculean strength of the blades shredding the solid, hundreds-of-years-old wood, little pieces shooting out the other side.
That was how my heart felt right then, as if Bob had ripped it out of my chest and tossed it into that chipper, watching all the pieces scatter afterward. They’d always been second parents to me, but tonight they’d cast me aside.
And I knew it had nothing on how Jasper had to feel.
The second we were in the house, the door closed behind us, I tried to pull him into my arms. Jasper resisted, turning for the hallway. “We should get out of here.”
“Where are we going?” I asked, following him to his room.
“Don’t know…hotel or somethin’? We can’t stay here.” He went straight to his dresser and began pulling clothes out of the drawers and dropping them into a pile on the floor.
“Jasp.”
“Maybe we’ll just leave altogether. Take a page out of Sammy’s book.”
“Jasp.” I stepped up behind him. Jasper loved Ryland. He didn’t ever want to move.
“We can do what you always wanted and just go. See what’s out there.”
“Jasp.” I wrapped my arms around his waist, squeezed him to me. His whole body was tense, rigid from the pain. “It’s okay that you’re hurtin’ right now. You have every right to be.” He relaxed into me, gave me his weight, leaning back and letting me hold him up. “There ain’t nothin’ wrong with us lovin’ each other, and I can’t imagine what you’re goin’ through…but we can’t just go. This house…it’s your home. You built this with your own hands. We got a business we run. They’re your family, and they love you. I know it’s hard right now, but runnin’ ain’t gonna solve a thing. Give them time, like your mama said. They’ll come around. I know it.”
I had to believe that. How could they walk away from their only son just because he loved me? How could I live with myself if Jasp left his family because I couldn’t control how I felt about him? He might be ready to walk right now, but I knew Jasper. He loved them, and he wanted to make them proud. Family was important to him. Eventually, he would resent me for it, and I couldn’t let that happen. It would only make me lose him. This had to be fixed because I refused to let loving me break his heart.
“He’s never looked at me like that before, Sutton. Did you see it? Like I disgusted him…like I wasn’t his son no more.”
“I’m sorry.” I kissed the side of his neck. “I’m so damn sorry. You didn’t have to do that. You shouldn’t have felt forced to tell them. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.”
“You didn’t. I wanted to. I didn’t want to deal with somethin’ like that again.”
“We’ll fix it,” I whispered softly against his skin. “We’ll find a way to make it better. Once they settle into it some, they’ll see there ain’t no one better for you than me. This ain’t our fault, and we shouldn’t be the ones to have to fix it, but you’ll regret it if you walk away right now. We gotta try.” I knew that down to the marrow of my bones.
His whole body started shaking, like a damn earthquake lived inside him.
I led him to the bed, and he let me. Kneeling on the floor, I took off his shoes, then stood to remove mine.
I turned on the lamp by his bed and the big light off before I laid him down, got into bed with him, and pulled him close. Jasper held me so tight, he damn near squeezed the air out of me. I didn’t care. I’d let him crush me to death if it helped him somehow. He cried into my chest, quiet but like each and every tear yanked his heart out over and over again.
“I’m here. I got you. I love you so fuckin’ much. There ain’t nothin’ I wouldn’t do for you. I’ll fix it. We’ll fix it. They love you.” I just kept throwing things out, not knowing how to make this better, not knowing how to help him.
Jasper eventually cried himself to sleep, and I watched over him, like I could somehow fight these battles for him, like I was his protector and nothing could hurt him while I was there…but it could, and it did. He was hurt for loving me, and there were no words for how that made me feel.