Total pages in book: 241
Estimated words: 229266 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1146(@200wpm)___ 917(@250wpm)___ 764(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 229266 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1146(@200wpm)___ 917(@250wpm)___ 764(@300wpm)
I snapped my mouth shut as frustration boiled inside me. Kieran was right, but…
Sighing, I looked over my shoulder, able to see the upper walls of the fortress. Had Casteel cooled down? “Are you sure he’ll be okay?”
Kieran’s head inclined as he studied me. “Do you want an honest answer or one that will make this easier for you?”
“You said earlier that he’d be okay,” I pointed out as dread blossomed to life.
“He will be.” He paused. “For now.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that he’ll be okay for a little longer, but he needs to feed. He’s gone too long.”
Dread pumped through me, alive and well. “When was the last time he fed?”
“I’m not sure, but it had to be when we were in Masadonia.” He dragged a hand over his head and then dropped it, glancing back to the water. “Normally, he’d be able to go for weeks without feeding, but he’s given you blood twice, and then he was wounded. That moved him closer to the edge.”
“He didn’t need to give me his blood last time.”
His gaze swiveled back to mine. “I know. I told him not to, but he did it anyway. He didn’t want to see you in pain.”
I sucked in a short breath. “And now he’s in pain because of that. Because of me?”
“It’s not because of you, Penellaphe. It was his choice. Just as it has been his choice not to feed.”
“I still don’t get that.” Frustrated, I picked up a fistful of sand. “Why would he do this to himself? I felt his hunger, Kieran. It was intense, and the longer he goes, it will only get worse—”
“And you will be more at risk.”
I stilled, even though my heart thundered. “I thought he was the only person I was safe with. Isn’t that what you said?”
“You are, but when an Atlantian doesn’t feed, no one is safe. Not even those they care about or even love.”
Air left me in a singular rush. Love? “He doesn’t care for me.”
Kieran stared back at me. “If it helps you to believe that, then by all means, continue. But that doesn’t make it true.”
I glared at him. “And just because you spout vague statements doesn’t make whatever you’re saying true either.”
“He gave you his blood when you didn’t need it, just so you wouldn’t be in pain when you woke—”
“And so I didn’t delay in leaving New Haven!”
“Funny how we weren’t planning to leave the moment you woke anyway,” he replied. “Which you’re conveniently forgetting.”
I clamped my mouth shut.
“Even if that were the case, which it isn’t, if he didn’t care, he wouldn’t have been concerned over you being uncomfortable during our travels, would he? And if he didn’t care, he would’ve used a hundred different compulsions at this point, no matter how temporary, to keep you better controlled, something that would make all our lives easier.”
My eyes narrowed.
“He wouldn’t be marrying you, risking the ire of not just his entire kingdom but also his parents, who you will soon discover are not two people you want to anger just so you have a chance to make it through this alive, free from the Ascended and from him. If that is what you choose,” he went on. “But more importantly, he would’ve stuck to the plan he spent years cultivating, and we would’ve already been halfway to Carsodonia to exchange you for his brother. Yet, here we are. And the only reason why any of that changed is because once he got to know you, he started to care for you.”
I wanted Kieran to take back those words because they did things to my heart, and even worse, dangerous things to my mind.
“You’re annoying,” I muttered.
“The truth often is. But you want to know an even more annoying truth?”
“Not really.”
“Too bad, because you need to hear this. He cares for just like you care for him despite the lies and the betrayal,” Kieran stated. “That’s why, even when you were the Maiden, you shared your secrets with him and allowed him things you would’ve never permitted anyone else. That’s why you didn’t use that dagger strapped to your thigh this morning, even though you knew how to use it against an Atlantian. That’s why you want to know more about Shea. It’s why, even now, you are concerned about him.” His eyes flashed an intense blue. “And just so you know, the only reason I didn’t end your life the second I learned that you stabbed him in the heart is because he cares for you. Is that less vague enough for you, Penellaphe?”
My lips parted on a shaky inhale. I didn’t want to hear what he said. I didn’t want to recognize the truth of his words. Acknowledging them was…it felt irrevocable.
Because caring for Casteel meant more than just wanting him. It meant either forgiving or forgetting his lies and betrayals, and I didn’t know if that was right or wrong. Because him caring for me meant more than just an agreement or pretending, and the implications of all of that was…well, it was terrifying for a multitude of reasons. Kieran could be wrong. Casteel could care for me, but not deeply. While I would…oh, gods, I already knew what it meant for me to care for him—what I desperately wished wasn’t the case.