Total pages in book: 241
Estimated words: 229266 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1146(@200wpm)___ 917(@250wpm)___ 764(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 229266 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1146(@200wpm)___ 917(@250wpm)___ 764(@300wpm)
He seemed to have stopped breathing. “I’m glad I killed him.”
“Me, too.” I cleared my throat. “Anyway, it wasn’t always easy, but sometimes, it was…easier to just do what they wanted, to be what they expected. I know that sounds terrible.”
“Maybe to those who’ve never survived a cane to the skin for no reason.” His voice had hardened. “We all do what we need to survive. I did countless things I never thought I would do,” he admitted freely without an ounce of shame. And I…
I envied that, but our situations were different. His was a matter of survival, life and death. Mine was not that. “But I think choosing the easier path is why I ignored my suspicions about the Ascended, or at least, it helped to dismiss them.”
“I don’t think you were alone in choosing that path. I’m sure many others in Solis have shared your suspicions, but it was easier to look past them, even if that meant suffering or sacrifice.”
I nodded. “Because the alternative would be the upending of everything you believe to be true. And not only that, it comes with the realization of the part you played. At least for me, it does. I was toted out to the people, put on display to remind everyone that the gods could choose anyone—that they too could be Blessed one day. And I always knew I wasn’t Chosen,” I whispered the last part, my chest heavy. “But I went along with it. And the whole time, they were stealing children to feed on. Taking good people and turning them into monsters. The easier choice I made too often didn’t make me a part of the problem.”
Casteel said nothing, but his fingers still moved idly.
“It made me a part of the system that bound an entire kingdom in chains created of fear and false beliefs.” I turned my cheek toward him. “You know that’s true.”
“Yes.” His breath danced along the corner of my lips. “It is true.”
I lowered my gaze to the hardened soil of the road.
“But you know what else is true? Right now, you are destroying an intricate section of the system that has chained an entire kingdom for hundreds of years,” he added. “You should never forget that you were once an accessory, but you also shouldn’t forget what you are now a part of.”
I looked forward, at the narrow road ahead and the snow-heavy needles. “But does the present really make amends for the past?”
Casteel didn’t answer immediately. “Who is the judge of that? The gods? They sleep. Society? How can they make decisions unbiasedly when they are prejudiced by their own sins?” he questioned, and I had no answer. “Let me ask you this. Do you blame Vikter?”
I frowned. “For what?”
“He was like a father to you, Poppy. He had to know how much you struggled with the whole Maiden thing. Even if he didn’t realize how much you struggled, he had to have seen it.”
The last conversation I’d had with Vikter, right before the attack at the Rite, had been about how I truly felt being the Maiden.
“And he knew what the Duke was doing to you, didn’t he? But he didn’t stop it,” he added quietly.
I craned my head to the side. “What could he have done? If he spoke one word or intervened, he would’ve been fired and ostracized, and that is a fate close to a death sentence. Or, he would’ve been killed. And then I wouldn’t have been trained. I never would’ve learned how to defend myself. Vikter did everything he could,” I defended vehemently. “Just like my mother and father did the night they were killed.”
“But one could argue that the right thing would’ve been to intervene. To stop the Duke from hurting you,” he said. “And I know I’m not one to talk about doing the right thing, but he could’ve chosen the more difficult path. Either way, you don’t hold it against him. And if you did, you’ve forgiven him, right?”
Heart aching, I faced forward. “There was nothing to forgive. But he…you heard what he said to me before he died.”
“He apologized for failing you,” Casteel confirmed.
Tears burned the backs of my eyes. His last words ever spoken were brutal. I hadn’t regretted what I’d said to him before the attack, but now? Now, I wished I hadn’t spoken so freely. I would do anything for Vikter to have died feeling as if he’d done right by me. And he had done just that to the best of his ability. He was the reason I could hold a sword and fire an arrow, fight with my hands and my mind.
“I think Vikter knew that you never held his inaction against him, but whether or not he believed he’d done all that he could was up to him,” Casteel continued softly. “I think it comes down to whether you can make amends with yourself.”