Total pages in book: 107
Estimated words: 97525 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 488(@200wpm)___ 390(@250wpm)___ 325(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97525 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 488(@200wpm)___ 390(@250wpm)___ 325(@300wpm)
He was gone, with no trace of the man who held a large piece of my heart.
I didn't see him again for five months.
I tried to forget him.
Tried to accept his disappearance as a blessing, as my world with Brant carried on. The iTunes deal closed, Brant doubled his wealth, and life continued, smooth as silk. But every time I was away from Brant, I thought of Lee. Wondered about him. Missed him. Turned down another proposal from Brant, this one with candlelight and lobster on the upper deck of his new yacht.
I almost accepted. With Lee gone, I had to fight from saying yes. But I didn't.
I had to know if Lee was out still there.
Had to dig back into the darkness, verify his existence, find out more.
I just wasn't cut any other way.
Chapter 48 - Brant
I kept the ring in my office, in the main drawer of my desk. Its box was worn, my hands turning the velvet over too many times to count, and much more than it was built for.
I bought the ring months before Belize. It was on a whim, my head clearing enough to realize that I was downtown, for a reason I didn't know, a swarm of people in the daily grudgefuck that was San Francisco. I hated this city, its shove of too many people in too tight a space, the fight for air claustrophobic in its necessity. I stood on that crowded street, dirty cracks underfoot, and saw the jeweler's silver sign of black and white calm against the madness that was the crowded street. I worked my way through the crowd and stepped inside.
Earrings maybe. Something to glint among the dark curls of her hair. The store was spacious, blanketed by the calm and quiet of expense and I breathed easier. Smiled at the man who greeted me. Stepped forward, not to the display of necklaces and earrings, but to the left, my steps pulling me toward the glittering expanse of engagement rings.
I didn't know what I was thinking. I couldn't propose without coming clean. Without telling her about the black in my soul. I was damaged goods. She deserved to know that, to understand what she was stepping into. The pain that I would drag her through, should the medication ever stop working. But all of those variables left my mind when I stepped up to the glass. My gaze scrolled over the lineup of rings, and I stabbed the glass above one cluster of settings. "Let me see those."
I walked out without a ring. There hadn't been anything worthy of her. But the jeweler had worked with me and tracked down a stone that fit her. A natural blue diamond. It took them three weeks to find one large enough. 2.41 carats, in the shape of a shield. A unique shape and a unique stone. They put it in a simple setting, then delivered it by Brink trunk. It sat in my desk for another month before I felt secure, felt right. It was the biggest decision of my life, more important than any deal, any product. I carefully weighed the decision, analyzed pros and cons, and examined every facet of my relationship with Layana. Looked at it as a business decision, even though marriage should be anything but. But I already knew what my heart felt. No point in holding it underwater to drown in an unwinnable situation. I needed to go through an analytical process to ensure success.
Before proposing, I completed the analysis for me (positive result), and then for her. Tried to determine if this was a smart decision for Layana. Tried to anticipate the probability of a fallout that would occur if or when she discovered my secrets. Maybe she would be fine. Maybe she'd understand. Maybe she would never know.
Or maybe she'd run for the hills.
I had worked through scenarios, turned that ring over a thousand times ... then I had gone for it. Made a decision, let my accountants and family know, and said goodbye to all logical reason.
Love. It makes us do crazy things.
Now, I rolled the ring against the pad of my thumb, watching the unclaimed diamond flash in the light from my desk lamp. Then I set it back in its box, closed the lid, and returned it to its semi-permanent home. I turned off the lamp and sat there for a long moment, my office and my heart empty and silent.
Chapter 49
In the game room at the HYA house, I studied a chess board, then reached for my horse piece. The bespectacled Black eight-year-old across from me cleared her throat in warning. I dropped my hand. Looked at one of my front pawns. Took a safe path and moved one of them instead.
Presley sighed in disappointment. “You aren’t even trying.”