Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 116999 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 585(@200wpm)___ 468(@250wpm)___ 390(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 116999 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 585(@200wpm)___ 468(@250wpm)___ 390(@300wpm)
I feel physically sick as a rock of guilt anchors itself to my heart.
“I won’t. I promise.”
Another sigh. “I guess you’re not coming go-karting, then?”
“I’m sorry. If I could get out of it, I would.”
“I know. Ben and I’ll be fine, don’t worry. Without you there, Ben might even get a shot at the top of the leader board.”
“Tell him to keep my spot warm until I get back and kick his arse.”
She lets out a small, tired laugh. “Well, I’d better let you go. You must be looking forward to getting to sleep yourself.”
“Yeah,” I agree, though in reality I know I’ve got a full day to get through yet. I’ll have to lie to her about that as well later. What have I started? “Love and miss you.”
I close my eyes while I wait for her answer, imagine the smile I hope she’s wearing. “Love you, too.”
My head bows as I lower the phone to my chest, too embarrassed to look at Laurence. I’m sure I’ve gone down in his estimations as well as my own.
“Are you okay?” he asks. He sounds quite close, as if he’s walked up behind me. There’s no judgement in his tone, or his expression when I eventually turn around.
I just nod. Hand back his phone. “Thanks. I should head off. Got to be back here in under two hours.”
It’s his turn to nod, now. “I’m glad you came,” he says, doing that thing again where he tilts his head to find my eyes.
God, I shouldn’t be, not after talking to my wife, but… “So am I.” Our gazes lock for a second, a moment, a minute, I don’t even know, and then I head over to my shoes, which I’d kicked off earlier in the small hours, and put them on. At the door, I thank him for the tea, say my final goodbye, and I don’t fight the urge to press my hand to the top of his exposed arm as I do.
It’s more than a friendly pat. It’s gentle. Lingering. My fingers glide slightly downwards, tracing the ridge of muscle there. It makes my heart beat faster. I wonder if he knows, if he can hear it, see my chest rising. “Bye,” I choke out, dropping my arm before I lose my mind completely.
Chapter Nine
William
Two weeks later…
My reflection in the full-length dressing room mirror looks thoroughly unimpressed. “I look like a retired golfer.”
“Dinnae talk pish. You’re just not used to clothes from this decade.”
I eye Laurence through the mirror, raise an eyebrow. “You have a problem with the way I dress?”
He shakes his head. “Nope. The nineties do, though. They want their artifacts back.”
There are no tags on any of the clothes I’ve tried on so far, which means I can’t afford them. It doesn’t matter. We’re here for Laurence. He wants to update his wardrobe before we go on location next week, and I’m joining in because he asked me to. Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve noticed I’m not very good at saying no to Laurence Cole. It’s not a bad thing. The friendship he proposed is going better than I could’ve dreamed of. Sometimes, when I’m with him, I feel like a teenager again. Hell, I even act like it. Chasing, throwing stuff, telling immature jokes.
Laurence has managed to do the impossible, to get me to have fun without feeling guilty or selfish. While my wife has spent our marriage enjoying nights out and spa breaks with her friends, which I’ve never begrudged, I’ve remained quite the recluse. I’ve preferred to stay home, keep the house tidy, make sure the kids have eaten – even at the ages they are now. I wonder if, subconsciously, my mind worries that having fun away from my family is an act of abandonment. Comparable to all the nights my father spent at the pub while I turned the volume up on the dust-covered TV to drown out the sound of my mother crying or being sick. The difference between me and my father, though, is that I know my kids are safe. I know they’re loved. I know I would drop the fun I’m having in a heartbeat if they needed me.
That’s why I said yes when Laurence asked if wanted to try crazy golf. It’s why I agreed to accompany him to the gym twice, despite my muscles wanting to rip themselves clean off my body the first time. It’s why, in just two weeks, I’ve also been to an arcade after hours, a modern art exhibition, and the cinema. The latter feels a whole lot different since working the other side of the screen, not least because entering the building felt like a secret mission with Laurence donning his cap and sunglasses, before we snuck to the back row of our screen out of sight. I found myself watching for lighting techniques. Trying to decide whether I was being deceived by a green screen. Apparently, I wasn’t being as covert as I thought, because half an hour in, Laurence leaned into my ear and whispered, “Just enjoy it.”