Total pages in book: 41
Estimated words: 38804 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 194(@200wpm)___ 155(@250wpm)___ 129(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 38804 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 194(@200wpm)___ 155(@250wpm)___ 129(@300wpm)
“I’m trying to understand.”
He propped himself up, his eyes gentling. “I know, and that makes you a good friend to her.”
“It’s because she’s a good friend to me.”
“I know that too, but I think another way you can think of it is that if she’s struggling, the pressure will build and build and it would help if she had someone to talk to, because when she does that, some of the pressure releases. Maybe that’s a better way of thinking of it?”
That made so much sense. “Like she’s a balloon and she keeps getting air pumped inside of her, and the balloon keeps stretching and stretching until it’s going to po—”
“Stop.” His eyes flashed, but the corner of his mouth tugged up in a grin. “No matter what, being able to talk about whatever is going on with you is always good.”
I rolled my head back on the pillow. “How’d you get so wise about topics like this?” A horrible thought came to me, and horror began filling me up. “You’re not—”
“No.”
The horror stopped, and it deflated. Like a balloon.
“But,” he said quietly. “I’m a guy and I’m lucky to have a good family, good brothers, and a great best friend. I can talk to them about shit, about how I feel. A lot of guys don’t and it’s not because they choose not to, because it’s not manly or something. Though, that way of thinking doesn’t help either. It’s because men don’t know how to talk about their feelings. They don’t know what they’re feeling. Growing up, we’re taught we can feel three things: lust, anger, and hunger. That’s it. There’s a lot of lonely guys out there.”
I had to ask because it was now making me feel a certain way. “You? Are you one of them?”
He gazed down at me, his eyes darkening. “No,” he said softly again. He shifted so one of his hands rested on the side of my face, and he brushed some of my hair back. He did it so tenderly. Loving. “Remember that uncle I mentioned before? The one who could only live in regret?”
I nodded, seeing a different, more somber look come over him. “Yeah.”
“He killed himself and it made me rethink a lot of shit in life. It made my brothers and I decide to grow up differently.”
“Oh.”
“I’m okay. I am. I—I don’t want to get into all of that, but I was just saying that it made me look at life differently. My brothers and I are close. I don’t know if we would’ve been otherwise.” His gaze slipped to the side.
I reached up, touching the side of his face. “Hey.”
He looked back, his eyes warming.
I said, lightly. “I’m glad you have a good relationship with your brothers.”
“Me too.” He grinned, but it didn’t quite meet his eyes. “After that article came out, you and I haven’t really talked about us.”
My chest swelled up.
He wanted to have that conversation now?
Was it too late to call Mac up for another drive around town in our yeti and unicorn costumes?
“You look so panicked.” He’d been watching my face.
I made it go blank before—fuck it. I let him see my fear. That was the whole theme here, being authentic and shit. No more running. No more hiding. No more going numb. “I know we started this whole thing, you and me, and it was supposed to be fun. Light and fun, and no strings. But I saw you those three times and—” I tried looking away.
He tipped my head right back, his palm cupping the side of my face.
It felt so warm. He felt so warm.
I drew that in and let it steady me. “I can’t do the no strings again.” Oh, boy. The tears were coming back. I tried blinking them away. “It has to be exclusive or…” My heart was pounding so hard, so loud. “Or I can’t do this with you. I feel like I should apologize for this change, but I’m not going to apologize. It’s how I feel and I have to be true to how I feel. I’m standing my ground, in my truth, or whatever that saying is. In the sand of truth or—fuck if I know. You know what I mean.”
“You’re standing your ground?” His voice came out in a low growl.
Oh, God. That wasn’t good.
I gulped. “Yep. Still standing in the sand of trust, or tree of truth, or—shit!”
“You’re firm on that. That’s what you’re saying?”
My eyes met his. “Yeah. As firm as your dick when you’re railing me.”
His entire face twitched before he cursed under his breath. “Jesus Christ, Maren. You drive me fucking crazy.”
My heart was going to be ripped to pieces. I felt the first tear coming.
He suddenly rolled us in his bed, with me on top, with my legs straddling him, and he shoved down his pants, bringing me on top of him. And because we’d had sex not long ago, I hadn’t pulled on my panties, so when he pulled me down, he thrust up into me.